6.3 - The Green Giant

In a culture that thrives on lifestyle comparison, Christians must be wary of being mastered by the green giant of envy. Join us as we look at the wisdom that James and the Proverbs have to offer regarding the dangers of (and the antidote to) envy.

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Paul and Noah both preach and teach with the Cedar Park church of Christ in Cedar Park, TX. You can visit our site at: https://www.cedarparkchurchofchrist.org/

Transcript

 6.2 - I'm Mad and I Don't Know Why

6.2 - I'm Mad and I Don't Know Why

Paul: [00:00:00] Well, welcome back to the Stan Strong podcast. We are now Noah dealing with the Proverbs project. I think today is Labor Day, September 2 for people who are in real time. We took kind of a brief break and we're coming back into the studio. We're launching into our new season. And if you went and listened to the one where we were explaining why we were going to go into the Proverbs, we were, we're trying to help Noah people to see how getting a perspective from scripture, getting God's perspective on life and how to live life with the least amount of difficulties, we decided, Hey, let's just spend some time in the Proverbs.

So That's where we're going in this season. We're going to really spend most all of our time dealing with scripture and Proverbs and trying to get insight into how to best serve God and his purposes, you know, how to better ourselves, better our marriages, better our churches, and also interact with people in the world.

Yeah. And so, you know, Live life with the least [00:01:00] amount of difficulties. This is the Proverbs project. So today, where are we going today? 

Noah: Today, I think is a perfect example of when, when you say living life with the least amount of difficulties, I think today is a, an excellent example of how that does not mean living a life that is always easy, rather.

That making hard choices and using self control leads to a life that is ultimately filled with less difficulty. Because what we're going to talk about today is The idea of anger that I'm mad and I don't know why it was the title we chose for this. And I think that that's a really appropriate title for the discussion.

The Proverbs have a lot to say about anger. And a lot of times when we are angry we don't know why. And I think the Proverbs help us diagnose a little bit of, of the why behind why we're feeling this. It's [00:02:00] this, you know, this anger and frustration and, and we don't know how to handle it. And part of the reason we don't know how to handle it is because we're not going to the source of it.

Paul: Yeah. These settled feelings of gnawing hostility is like, I don't know why, why am I so irritated? Why do I need to fly off the handle with every little thing? And that doesn't define or describe everybody, but this I'm angry and I don't know why, you know, Aristotle. One said, anybody can become angry, that is easy, but to be angry with the right person to the right degree, at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everyone's power and is not easy.

Well, duh. Yeah. I mean, we didn't need Aristotle to open up that chapter of life for us. So there, there's a proverb, Noah, in the beginning, I mean, this one just leaped off the page for me. So Proverbs 14, 16 and 17, a wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. [00:03:00] Okay. That, that translation says it's foolish to be the hotheaded and reckless person.

I guess, I guess being hotheaded can produce a lot of reckless words, reckless actions, but then he continues a quick tempered man does foolish things. Yeah. 

Noah: Yeah. 

Paul: Now, I mean, we could spend the whole time talking about the quick tempered person, the, the, the, the anger that settled inwardly, the gnawing hostility within that produces explosions and rage and hot tempered, the raising of the voice, the shouting and screaming fits of protest and frustration.

All of those are foolish things. And I got to thinking about what are some of the stupid things that we do. Because again, I'm angry and I don't know why. Some stupid things we do because really one of the root issues that causes us to do foolish, stupid things is anger. So that, that person that cut me off on the road and in my mind, my mind's telling me chase them down and you're like, that's not going to go [00:04:00] well.

Noah: Right. 

Paul: Or yelling at a waitress in the restaurant. 

Noah: Right. 

Paul: I mean, I was somewhere out of town and, and don't be that guy that yells at the waitress in the restaurant. 

Noah: Yeah. Yeah. 

Paul: Or worse yelling at our mates and our kids. Right. 

Noah: Right. There's, there's all sorts of things and, and thank God that.

Oftentimes the, in those situations where we have those impulses his wisdom and his spirit reigns over our, our initial actions and we don't chase the guy down and we don't yell at the person. It is, it is a. It ought to be when we, when we fail and we give into those impulses, it ought to be a humbling experience because we ought to recognize, we ought to be able to go back and see, you know, walk through what happened.

What happened was the anger of man did not produce the righteousness of God. And that's, that's the thing is so often we want to somehow justify the reason we're [00:05:00] angry. We want to point at something and say, this is why I'm angry and I'm justified in my anger. Well, There are times, kind of what Aristotle was referencing, there are times where there is such a thing as righteous anger.

And we, you know, we could go to Ephesians 4, be angry and do not sin and those kinds of things. That's not what the Proverbs is warning against. The Proverbs is not warning against righteous anger. But part of the reason the Proverbs is so rife with warnings against anger is because most of the time our anger is not just.

It is not righteous. It is, it's petulant. It's not the kind of right the kind of anger that produces God's righteousness like God's anger does. It's a selfish impulsive type of anger that's only concerned about what has been, you know, what offense has been caused to me. And so when we do give in to that.

And, and we, we give into our anger and our hostility hopefully on the tail end of that, we [00:06:00] recognize what has happened and that's a humbling experience for us. 

Paul: Yeah. Yeah. I guess one of the things you and I had talked about why we wanted to start with anger. This is something that got my attention.

I hadn't really dug very deeply into this, but yet I think it's worth thinking about. I want to make this statement and then I want to try to back it up with a proverb. Anger is a learned trait. And look, that, that, that quickly gets above my pay grade, but, but there are reputable psychologists, some reading that I've done that makes some very strong arguments.

And when, when you begin to unpack that, it, it ought to get our attention as parents of the, the possibility of passing our anger onto our kids. Anger is a learned trait. Now, let me read a proverb or two passages in Proverbs 22, verses 24 and 25. I love this translation. [00:07:00] Do not make friends with a hot tempered person.

Do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. And there is a lot there. I think one of the things. In those two, in those passages is, is God is trying to tell us that this is a serious thing because it is a learned trait. And so I think that's why Solomon is saying, don't spend your time with a hot tempered or easily angered person because you're going to begin to learn their traits.

You can, they can pass that on to you. We can pass this on to our kids, oftentimes without realizing it. We didn't want to, but we did. And we tend to teach our children that outbursts of wrath is just the normal way to deal with negative situations. And think about that. When you get upset and there's a negative situation because somebody's not meeting your expectations and, and their expectations that [00:08:00] should be met, you think the way to deal with it is yell at them.

Noah: Mm hmm. 

Paul: You know, or just, you know, grab them by the arm and pull them into the bedroom and, and, you know, and you think about that, well, that's a learned trait. Now they're not learning it in the first day. They may not learn it in the first year, but, but two or three years of that in the formative years of raising children is something that, that is a learned trait.

Noah: Yeah. Yeah. That's a very valuable. Observation to make, especially for, you know, people in my stage of life, we've got the young Children in the home right now and the way that we choose to interact with them in the way that we respond to negative situations in the home is going to have an impact on them.

Absolutely. And and the fact is, because it is oftentimes something that has been learned we like to turn that around. If we, if we tend to give in to our anger, we like to turn that around, and we try to Not take responsibility for our own anger. We, we will point at [00:09:00] anything, anybody, any circumstance oftentimes before ourselves to say, here's why I'm angry.

I'm angry because this person did that. Or, I'm angry because this situation shouldn't be this way. Or I'm angry because that's just the way I was. I was raised to respond. And what we see in the Proverbs when we look at Proverbs. Like Proverbs 15, one or 15, 18, what we see is we have a choice to change our response to the situation that is our choice to make.

And so when it really, what it really comes down to is if we're angry, it's because we have chosen to respond that way. Or maybe a different way of putting it is we have chosen not to respond. The way the Proverbs would advise. So when Proverbs 15, one says a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger when we find [00:10:00] ourselves in intense and angry situation, we have to ask ourselves, well, did we respond with a, with a soft answer or did I exacerbate that situation or Proverbs 15, 18, a hot tempered man stirs up strife, but he was slow to anger.

Quiet's contention. Did I choose to respond quickly? That goes back to a proverb you already quoted. Do I choose to respond quickly or do I choose to have patience? I mean, that's, there are so many proverbs about anger. But that's why you see descriptions like in chapter 16, verse 32, where he says that whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

The comparison here is when you look for the mighty man, you know, you're looking for the conqueror, the warrior, that kind of thing. And he's saying, no, the true mighty man is the person who can control his [00:11:00] own spirit. And that is really what's at the heart of, I'm mad and I don't know why. Well, it's because you're not ruling your own spirit.

It's because I'm not ruling my own spirit. I am not the mighty man of Proverbs 16, 32. 

Paul: Yeah. Strength of character is greater than strength of muscle. Yeah. But okay. Back to the, I'm mad and I don't know why. You know, when, when somebody may have been listening to this, I get it when somebody is the angry person and you begin to try to get them to look at themselves through the lens of their anger, as it relates to the way that they perhaps are raising their kids or influencing their kids and, and every parent out there, especially the ones that are, that are going to listen to this podcast.

I know they want what's best for their kids. 

Noah: I 

Paul: mean, these are good people listening to this podcast, but they don't know why they're angry. So, look, a good, a person with good sense, a person with good sense is slow to anger. [00:12:00] A person with good sense is slow to anger. Proverbs 19 

Noah: Yeah. 

Paul: And then an angry man stirs up strife.

We already talked about that, but this is what he also says in Proverbs 29, now 22, a hot tempered person commits many sins. He's like, well, I don't know why I'm committing these transgressions. I don't know why my life is getting more difficult. And again, if you're listening to this podcast, this podcast in this amount of time is not designed to unpack those layers because each individual person and situation is unique, but you've got to go beneath the surface.

You've got to start asking yourself some hard questions or, or sometimes getting some help. Okay. I don't know. I honestly don't know why I yell at my kids. I honestly don't know why. I just. Fly off the handle at the least little thing. It's like, okay, he was five minutes late or, you know, she, she, she burned my toast.

Noah: Right. 

Paul: My eggs were perfect. My bacon was wonderful, [00:13:00] but one piece of my toast was burned and I missed the good for the little bit of bad, and I yelled at her and I did, well, it's, you know, Zig Ziglar. Kind of the kicking, was it kicking the cat? That may be one issue. It has to do with people out in the world.

It has to do with life and where you are and you take it out on the ones you love the most. But we've got to get to, I've got to get to what is that settled feeling of hostility? What is it that is this boiling up in me? That I have not addressed. I'm angry and I don't know why, because we could spend another hour here just reading passages in the Proverbs that tell us how many bad things can happen because we don't control our spirit.

Noah: Yeah. Yeah. And that's, again, that's what it comes back to is so often we try to not be angry by changing our circumstance. And I'm not saying there's never a time to remove yourself from a situation. In order to deescalate the situation. I'm not saying that's never the [00:14:00] case But if that is if that is the only response we have that's not Self control that's not ruling our own spirit and it's also not producing in us the character of Of long suffering and forgiveness.

You quoted Proverbs 1911, good sense makes one slow to anger. The second half of that proverb is, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. That is an excellent fruit that comes from controlling one's spirit is that we can find satisfaction. We can find fulfillment in. Going, you know what? Yes, I was, the circumstances were not ideal.

I was wronged and yet I will forgive. And what that takes, that takes a Over time, a change of perspective, a change of [00:15:00] character, and a change of priorities in us. And so it's not like flipping a switch. Okay, I get it now. I see why I'm angry. And now, I'm not angry anymore. And I'm not ever going to get angry in those situations anymore.

Mm mm. To get to that point, what's being described in Proverbs 19, that takes a change over time. We have to change our perspective, our character has to grow, our priorities have to come more in line with Christ, with God's will, and that's not going to happen overnight. 

Paul: Yeah. You know, I appreciate what you're saying about a process.

I appreciate you're saying that you've got to have a starting point And that starting point is to say, Hey, okay, I'm angry at, I don't know why that's me. So I want to know why I want to get answers. I want to get help. I've got to start somewhere in the starting somewhere. I mean, starting with me and starting now to unpack that and, and the person who lives with the hot, hot tempered.[00:16:00]

who's married with or needs to be prayerful about that needs to be supportive in that if they're trying to change and working to change, it's not going to happen overnight. Yeah. Why am I saying all of that? Well, because it's in Proverbs, but there is a passage sometimes that doesn't get a lot of attention since you were in Proverbs 19.

And this is an aha passage, like, Ooh, this should get our attention. If I just read it, On the surface, you're going to think, well, there's no hope for the hot tempered person. But listen to what he says, though. Proverbs 19, verse 19, a hot tempered man must pay the penalty. There's consequences to our actions and anger.

It doesn't produce righteousness of God. It's going to mess me up. It's going to mess other people up and it's wrong and wrong, wrong things being done in wrong ways are going to hurt people. So that hot tempered person, he's going to have to pay the penalty. There are consequences. But then he says this, if you rescue him.

a hot tempered person, you'll have to do it again. [00:17:00]

Noah: Yep. 

Paul: And you read that and think, wow, so, you know, they're wearing me out. Yes. The hot tempered person is going to wear you out, but they've got to start somewhere. They need a support system. So if you're the hot tempered person, if you're the person that's got the settled anger, and you don't know why working through it, you're going to, you're going to experience.

Setbacks, don't give up, ask for the Lord's help. But if you remain that hot tempered person and say, well, that's just who I am. And you know, that's genetics or I was raised around it my whole life and offer all these excuses and reasons for it. Then I think what Solomon is telling us in Proverbs 19, you can get to a point where, look, it doesn't matter what somebody tries to do to offer help and change it, they're going to, they're going to always have to get you out of trouble.

Time and time again because they refuse to control their spirit. 

Noah: Right. Well, and then this comes back to when we actually have to [00:18:00] face the consequences of our own Lack of self control, our own wrath, our own anger. When we have to face those consequences, that ought to be a humbling experience. And if, if, if we are constantly removed from our, those consequences, which we can do to ourselves, we can, we can remove ourselves from the consequences of our own anger.

And the Proverbs writer says, you're, you're never going to see improvement. You're never going to escape this this type of living in this type of attitude. If you never face the consequences of your actions, that facing that those consequences, that is the beginning of change of our character. That's the humbling experience that brings us back to, to, you know, the very bottom, the very bottom step.

And we have to rebuild and that's really important for us to be able to, to face that and go through [00:19:00] that. And hopefully when we have that kind of a reset, we can recognize the choices we've made in the past and recognize this time we have the option to make different choices. 

Paul: Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, that's, that's a good point.

Good point to be made. I mean, you've talked about the anger with the tongue And we need, we need to realize that, that our, our words can stir up anger in us and in others. I love this. So I just jotted this down. Speak when you're angry and you will make the best speech you ever regretted. When I read that, I thought, I don't like that because that's been me.

Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you ever regretted. And so look, This, I'm angry and I don't know why. Figure out the why, get help with the why, pray about the why, take the why into scripture and get God's [00:20:00] perspective, because we're trying to live life with the least amount of difficulties.

If my, if my perspective is off, if, if I feel I'm owed something that I'm not owed, I'm entitled to this, this is my life's expectation, and, and, and it hasn't reached what I thought it should reach, and I'm not where I thought I should be, And life will, if the expectations were off, then there's a reason why I respond the way that I do.

And I can pass that on to others. It's a learned trait. And we do things that we never intended to do. And we pass along to our kids things that we never wanted to pass along to our kids. 

Noah: Yeah. And these kinds of changes, these kinds of. Resets of our perspectives and that kind of thing. It's not easy. So when we say we're trying to live life and glorify God, you know, to the best of our ability with as few obstacles as possible.

That's not to say it's not going to take work. It's going to take a ton of work. What it is, is we're going to, we're trying to remove the [00:21:00] difficulties and the obstacles that keep us from really fulfilling what God has intended us to do. And anger will absolutely cut the legs out from under us. If we are not careful and if we do not master our own spirit.

Paul: Yeah. Well, I appreciate the discussions that we've, we've had to today in this area, the Proverbs project, we're, we're trying to just see God's perspective. We're trying to look in his word and learn our, learn something about ourselves and about life. So Noah, let's see. 

Noah: Well, we've got we're back in the, in the groove now.

So we're coming out with an episode every week again, starting today. So next week we're going to be back in the studio and we're going to be talking about. The green giant, 

Paul: the green giant. 

Noah: Yes, sir. So thank you for joining us again. Thank you for bearing with us as we took a break and, and reset here for season six.

We hope you had [00:22:00] a good summer and we're looking forward to being back with you next week to discuss the green giant in season six, the Proverbs project until next week. We pray that you continue to serve God with all your heart and that together we can stand strong.