STAND STRONG
STAND STRONG
6.17 - The Proverbs 31 Woman
The words of King Lemuel's mother ring out across the millennia: "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." In this episode, we unpack the description of the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31.
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Paul and Noah both preach and teach with the Cedar Park church of Christ in Cedar Park, TX. You can visit our site at: https://www.cedarparkchurchofchrist.org/
Well, welcome back to the Stan Strong podcast. We're here at the end of season six today We're gonna be doing episode 17 moving on to Proverbs 31 and we came from a place talking about Companionship and friends and how you you get to pick your friends. In fact, it made me think about how you get to pick your friends And you get to pick your nose.
Paul:Oh, oh boy. Oh boy. Oh man.
It had to come out at some point. I had to bite my tongue for the entire previous episode. So Took the liberty today to do that this morning. But, speaking of companions. and companionship. I think that it is appropriate that we're moving from that to Proverbs 31. We know probably the second two thirds of Proverbs 31 better when Lemuel's mother says, Who can find a wife or a woman of noble character? She is far more than Jules. In the context, she's clearly speaking of it from the standpoint of a potential, a potential wife, and then her relationship with her husband and her kids. Companionship is key when it comes to that relationship, and the Proverbs 31 description of, of that kind of a woman really puts a high value on many of the same things we talked about last time, but in a new context. So I think this is a good place for us to go.
Paul:Yeah. You know people who are listening today. Especially who are sports fans. I mean, the, the name Kevin Durant, I mean, NBA basketball player, he played his college years here, right here at Austin university of Texas, back in 2014, Noah, Kevin Durant was the most valuable player in the NBA. I mean, this, these are the best athletes in the world and among the best basketball players in the world in 20th, in 2014, Kevin Durant. That was the most valuable player. So here's a six foot, 11 inch dude standing in front of a room full of other athletes and with tears in his eyes, he thanked his mother. And this is what Kevin Durant said, or a little bit of what he said. We weren't supposed to be here. Mom, you made us believe. You kept us off the streets. You put clothes on our backs. You put food on our table. You went to sleep hungry. You sacrificed for us. Mom, you are the real MVP. Man, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. I listened to it. It was amazing. And yes, most valuable player was Kevin Durant. In his mind, the most valuable person was his mother. That's Proverbs 31. The noble. woman, the wife of excellent, virtuous character. And it's interesting that he starts the concept of this, or painting the picture of this, in verse 10 of Proverbs 31 with this, who can find a woman of noble character and her value and worth is far above rubies. And then he ends in verse 30, a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised and everything just fits in that sandwich. And it talks about her character and it talks about how she relates to her husband and her children. And so this, this is a really good place to go to to talk about this, especially the last episode, Proverbs 31. It's 31 and done. I mean, you don't get any, you don't get any better than this when you're, when you're trying to look at who you want to marry or the kind of woman you want to be.
Yes, absolutely. And I think that it's worth taking a moment because primarily we're going to be looking at 10 forward because that's where we see this Proverbs 31 woman. But I do think it's worth noticing that leading up to this in Proverbs 31 when King Lemuel's mother is speaking. She's giving him some advice. You know, in verse three, she says, don't spend your energy on women or your efforts on those who destroy Kings. And then she goes into this warning about, you know, it's not for Kings to drink strong drink. It's, It's not for kings to pervert justice. It's, it's not for kings to be silent. Instead, they are to speak up for those who have no voice and for the justice of all those who are dispossessed. She's, she's reminding him of his responsibilities and then she goes into, and here's who you need to help you with this. And I think that that's, that's pretty significant that We can see that this is not just not just coming out of like a, well, make sure you get yourself a good wife. No, you have responsibility and you need to partner with somebody who's going to be truly a partner and share that responsibility with you. And if they're going to do that, This is the kind of quality of character that you're going to have to look for.
Paul:Yeah. Amen. Amen. So just look at her character. Wow. And I've had women know over the years tell me that this is a very intimidating passage for a woman. So I want to offer this this is the ideal. So the last thing that, that God wants in preserving this for us is for women to look at this and say, that's not possible.
Right.
Paul:Or. Or. Wow. I'll never measure up. So, okay, I don't, you got to start somewhere. You got to look at something. And so if this wasn't achievable, if this wasn't doable, if these weren't things that God says, I want you to think about, then why are they here? Right. So looking at her character, verse 13, she works with Israel. I love this translation, Noah from Proverbs 31, that there's verse 17 and 18, she is energetic and strong, a hard worker. There is your working with eager hands. Verse 18, she watches for bargains. Her lights burn late into the night. She watches for bargains. I mean, my grandmother, my, when I, when I was just a kid and we'd go stay at my grandparents and she had newspaper out and scissors out and she had coupons clipped everywhere. And when I would go with her, you know, after ladies class and I had to go with her when I was like seven or eight years old, she was going to two and three different places. Why? Because she wanted to make sure that her husband appreciated the fact that in her responsibility to get the groceries, she was looking for the bargains. She was concerned about stewardship in that family and really watching the pennies. Right. And that was a common thing in that generation.
Yeah.
Paul:In the, in the 40s, 50s, and early 60s and 70s even.
Yeah. And it continued to persist. And, and sometimes I think we see that and then we look around at the world today with, you know, mobile payment and, and clipping coupons in an app and, and we drive a lot more than people used to. And you can go on and on and on about how society has changed. But the real, the principle of the thing is it's not necessarily that, Oh, well, I do things exactly the same way that previous generations have, rather that we do it in the same spirit. That we're pursuing the same values for our home I do want to I want to jump back for just a moment because this was developing in my mind I didn't get it out quickly enough, but you were talking about how sometimes this can be an intimidating passage And I think one reason that that can be the case is also what I would like to call the timeline fallacy And that is that just just like this is the ideal that's being pictured here That somehow we think that this has to be achieved All at once, right away. And that there's not a timeline of growth and maturity. And I think a really good example of this can be seen all the way back in verse 11, where it says, The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. Trust is not an immediate thing. Not even for, you know, spouses. Trust is something that's, that is developed over time. You can't just implant trust in somebody. There's no, that doesn't happen. That, that by the time that we get married, You know, if you've known your spouse at your wedding for a year, then you've got a year's worth of trust, two years, three years, four years, et cetera. But that can only that, that, that has the opportunity to continue to grow and to be proven. And so I think that's a good example of a way that we need to view this from the perspective of These are ideals that are, are characteristics that we can develop and appreciate better over time. Don't get sucked into the, the fallacy that this has to be how I am from day one.
Paul:No, it's a journey. There's growth in that. I mean, how, how, how do you illustrate that? Well, verse 25, she's clothed with strength and dignity so she can laugh at the days to come. Look, that's going to be pretty tough for that woman. That's 24 and been married for one year, two years. And she's in her early twenties. There's not a strength of character there yet. Doesn't make you a bad person, but that strength of character has developed over time and our strength of character is the result of her being connected to her God. It has to do with trusting in God and God's in control of life and God's control. So here's a woman who's looked at the affairs of her household. She doesn't eat the bread of idleness again, verse 27, she's working with eager hands and she's been looking for bargains. She's been thinking about the future. She's done everything she can do. And now she trusts the future, the unknown future to a known God. And so she can laugh at it. It's not a literal laughter at the days to come. There's just a quality of strength to her faith. And what man doesn't want to marry or be connected to a woman like that, that says, it's going to be okay. Amen. Amen.
Yeah.
Paul:God's, God's, it's going to be okay. We've got God in the center of our life. We've done everything we can. We'll give thanks for the food that we had to eat. We'll give thanks for the life that we have today and we'll live one day at a time and trust in the Lord. I mean, that's her. That's who she is. Yeah. What wonderful character. And that's developed over time.
Yes. Yes, it is. And that character. Is developed in tandem with the relationship being developed over time as well. And we can see, you know, when we try to read this whole text as one chunk I think sometimes it feels like it kind of weaves in and out these things about who she is the kind of work she does, the relationship she has with her husband and with her kids. And it never seems to just stay on one of those. It like, like a like a. plate of spaghetti or a woven basket. Everything is kind of connected. And there, there could be a lot of, you know, commentary on why it is that way. But I think part of it is that her character and her relationship with her family are very closely intertwined. Her character is seen, it's most easily demonstrated and most thoroughly seen in how she Treats and works for the benefit of her family. Yeah. And there are, there are a lot of examples that we could that we could look at, you know, verse 12, she rewards him. That's her husband with good, not evil all the days of her life. You already mentioned the working with willing hands. Verse 15, she rises while it's still night and provides food for her household. You know, that's one of those things where it's like, that's not a That's not just a because of the relationship that she has with her husband and her kids, but also because of the character she brings into that relationship. So we see these things connected in, in a lot of different ways. I recently heard someone trying to summarize Proverbs 31. And really at the core, what you see is you see a woman who, whose greatest desire is to serve God. And serve her family.
Paul:Yes. And yeah, the woman who fears the Lord. Exactly. And, and it's evident that she has great respect for the Lord in, in her home, in relationship to her husband and her children. To me, Noah, you've, you've alluded to both of these already to me. Two of the biggest passages here in relationship to her relationship to her husband is verse 11 and 12. Just connect them together. So Proverbs 31, 11, her husband has full confidence in her. That is the heart of her husband safely trust in her. And then verse 12, and she brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. There's so much that could be said about that that has to do with the level of trust that is in that relationship between her and her husband. Her husband can safely trust in her. He doesn't have to question her. Where she is or who she is with, because he knows her heart is so connected to God that she can't be anything other than loyal to him.
Yeah.
Paul:And, you know, how, how many men don't have that in the relationship where there's like, ah, she's going to let me down. And look, the, the let you down. Her, her industry, her preparation for the future, the planning that she has, the work that she does inside that home. Let's say that relates to A woman. I'm not saying women have to do this, but I do know of women who keep up with the finances. They, they, they, they just, they know what can be spent. They've got all this around. Well, suppose the husband keeps finding out that the woman's putting'em in debt. She's spending and spending what they don't have, and now he's indebted to other people because he couldn't trust her. She's, now today, you know, back then you didn't have a whole lot of the borrow and credit, but today you've got somebody with credit cards and this woman that says, I just, I need this. We need this. I need this. We need this. And all of a sudden the husband finds out after 30 days or 60 or 90 days, we owe money and there's no way we can pay that back. Yeah. Well, he's safely trusting her. Yeah. And somebody, you can recover from that. But I think about the safely trust in her as it relates to not just she's going to overspend, but I don't ever have to question her loyalty to me. Right. I don't have to wonder if she's with another man.
Right.
Paul:That's Proverbs 31.
Yeah. It is something that goes along with all of that as far as doing good and not harm and the, the heart of her husband being able to trust in her is also recognizing kind of going back to that idea of partnering in these things is that. When we as husbands get off the tracks, knowing that we are, what a, what a comfort is if we know that we have a wife who will redirect us, who we can trust, our heart can trust in her to redirect us. To point that out to us. Mm-Hmm. And to tell us that later in Proverbs 31, it specifically says her mouth speaks wisdom and loving instruction is I lost my place there. And loving instruction is on her tongue. The idea that she's not the, the, the woman in Proverbs 31 is not just one of strong character and not just one of. Like a strong work ethic and not even just one of strong affection, but one of wisdom and one who's willing to give that wisdom to, to offer instruction and, and correction. And there are times where we need that redirection. You know, you gave the, you gave the example of, okay, That a, a woman, for instance, could accidentally put her family in debt. On the other hand, if it's the husband's husband that's doing that, what a comfort it is. If he's married to a wife who would say, do you notice what you're doing here? Do you notice the position you're putting our family in? I'm working hard over here to, to make things work. And and you're making that harder.
Paul:Yeah. Verse 27, she carefully watches all that goes on in her household. She carefully watches. So the husband is away during the day working the job that he needs to work to be the leader and provider of his family, which means mom's home with the kids. He can trust the fact that she's watching what goes on in their life, not just making sure they don't get hurt. No, she's watching over them. She's carefully watching over them. What they watch, what they listen to, you know, how they interact with others. I mean, that, that's, that's who she is. And here's another one though. When you talk about her character. She, she enhances her husband's influence.
Yes.
Paul:Verse verse 23. Are you there? Read verse 23 in Proverbs 31.
Yeah. Her husband is known at the city gates where he sits among the elders of the land.
Paul:Yeah. This translation, rather than known, I like this, is respected.
Yeah.
Paul:And, look, I, I, I wanted to make sure going through this that I didn't give a shout out because you and I get to do the podcast and it's not fair if we just made it all about our wives. But I, I do want to say to men, I know firsthand what it's like, especially in what I do. There are places that I go that I'm respected and you said, well, wait a minute, you've never been there. Yeah. But see, I have a reputation based upon my wife.
Right.
Paul:And, you know, He was in a position where he was respected among the elders of the land. He was respected among other people in that community who, because who he's married to,
right.
Paul:Who he's partnered with.
Yes. I have personal experience with that exact phenomenon and I'm thankful for Michaela and, and the influence that she has. I think that we would be remiss if we have this whole discussion. And we don't turn the discussion for just a moment towards hey kids, and hey husbands. Look at verses 28 through 31. Yes. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also praises her. Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise her at the city gates. Y'all, if we have a woman who is striving to reflect the character of Christ, and has put their heart and soul into serving our family, they need to hear
Paul:it.
They deserve to hear it. They deserve that appreciation. And I would be, I would be the first to admit. That when you get into a routine with a woman like this, it's easy to take her for granted. Because things work, and life is good, and the children are taken care of, and your relationship seems pleasant and happy. But, King Lemuel's mother says, you need to praise her. You need to make sure she knows.
Paul:Yeah, there's a book I read years ago, Noah, I've recommended it to a lot of people before they get married, his needs, her needs, but you could talk about a need among men of one of the top three needs among men is we want to be appreciated, respected, praised. I mean, every man who's listening to this, if you, if you went through your life as, as a husband and now as a father and all you've done to invest in the, in the life of your, of your kids and all you've done for good in that home and you've worked hard and you've worked hard and you've sacrificed and you, you were seldom praised. Look, you ought to keep doing what you're doing, do it as unto the Lord, but if you never got the praise and appreciation and verbally, you know, I'm so glad that I married you and I'm so glad you're so good, you're the best thing that ever happened to our kids to have a father like you. We need that. When do we get that? Father's Day. So you're reading this from Proverbs 31 and the reason I'm making this point, not to be just overly harsh. I've, I've, I've known men that when it's Mother's Day, they're like, well, that's what the kids are supposed to do. Well, what if your kids are like two and four and six, right? Maybe the six year old, but the two year old, the four year old. So dad rise up and call her blessed dad. Give her praise. Mother's Day, don't let Mother's Day go by. And you don't let her see appreciation. Bring her breakfast in bed. Bring her something that's going to remind her. Let, do something that shows her you went out of your way and you put forethought into it instead of just at the last minute, what, why the preacher on Sunday got up and said, happy mother's day to all the moms. You looked over and winked at her or something, you know, guys, we can do better.
Yes.
Paul:And sometimes that's a man thing. And we say, well, we shouldn't have to do that. Yeah, we, we got to get over that.
Yeah. Now I'm gonna, I'm going to try to read your mind here. Some, some may be listening to this and think my wife listens to this podcast too. So now if I do something, if I go home today and I do something, she's going to think I only did that because Paul and Noah got on there and talked about Proverbs 31. She'll still appreciate it, and she still needs to hear it. And even if she, even if she thinks that you only did it because you listened to this podcast today, she will appreciate it. And I would encourage you, today, whether you're listening to this on the day that it's released, or on Mother's Day, or on some other day, Go tell your wife how much you appreciate her and get your kids involved. Set the example for them early.
Paul:Charm is deceptive. Beauty is fleeting. Look, don't get so focused on the outside because that outside won't always be. You know what it was when she was in her twenties and thirties and forties. The inside is what's the real you, the real her, look at her heart, look at her character. And that's the real beauty. That's what God treasures. And look, they don't all look like they cook like, and they don't all cook like they look like what is the, you didn't think I'd stick that in. What, what's the real thing?
Yeah.
Paul:And, you know, like she was saying to her son, well, that's good advice. What are you focused on? When you're looking for a woman, when you're looking for a mate, what do you focus on? It's the woman who fears the Lord.
Amen. Amen. She is far more precious than rubies. That is a good reminder for us and as much as Proverbs 31, I think, is a challenging ideal for the women who are, who read it and who are listening to this kind of material. It's also a challenge for men to, to recognize what we have and to fully appreciate the women in our lives who fear the Lord and set that good example in that way. Amen. Well, I have really enjoyed season six. I am kind of sad that it has to come to an end, but we can't stay in Proverbs forever. So this does conclude season six, the Proverbs project. I think that it would be appropriate to go ahead and close us out in prayer Before we do that though. I do want you if you're listening I want you to know we're going to take a few weeks off from the podcast and we're going to resume January 6th. That's the first monday of 2025 We will be back and beginning season seven at that point So january 6th mark your calendars look on your podcast apps. We will be back with season seven at that point Now I'm going to ask Paul if you would be willing to close this season out in prayer.
Paul:Sure. Let's pray. God, we just humble ourselves. We come into your presence. We're thankful for this avenue, this opportunity to speak to you as our Father. We know that you hear, we know that you care. We trust and believe that you are in control, that you can mold us and make us and conform us to the image of your son, Jesus. We just want to be more like him. We're thankful for the wisdom in your word, for Proverbs and the nuggets of wisdom. It gives us understanding and insight into your life. character. It shows us how to live life in the best possible way with the right perspective. It, it shows us the character that you want us to have. It helps us in making right decisions. It helps us in determining who we make our friends. It can make our families and marriages better. It can help us in our local churches. God, you've given us so much wisdom, but we know that All of this wisdom is stored up in your son, Jesus, and he is the embodiment of truth and wisdom and all that is right, and we're so thankful for Jesus, for the hope that we have because of him, the blood that cleanses us, the rightness that we have as a result of being in him and living a life of faith. Father, we just lift all of these things to you and ask that you help us to live in such a way that honors you and reflects you in everything that we do. We commit this season six to you and all of our listeners who have partnered with us. God, we just ask that you work in their lives and in our life to continue this, this platform so that we can share you with others who are listening and looking for you. Thank you for Jesus. We ask these things in faith in his name. Amen.
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