STAND STRONG
STAND STRONG
8.14 - Paul's Message for Wives
The Apostle Paul says that the one-flesh union of marriage is an image of Christ and the Church. Before he reveals that, however, he gives instructions to men and women regarding their roles as husbands and wives. Join us as we first consider his instructions for wives.
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Paul and Noah both preach and teach with the Cedar Park church of Christ in Cedar Park, TX. You can visit our site at: https://www.cedarparkchurchofchrist.org/
Well, welcome back to the Stand Strong podcast. Happy Monday morning as we reenter the letter to the Ephesians that, and, and the wisdom that we find therein as the Apostle Paul addresses so many different things. But our theme for this season has been our calling and our conduct, and we're, as we continue to go through chapter five, which is just, in my opinion, one of the densest sections of the book. And I don't mean dense in as in it's hard to read, dense as in rich. I mean, it's just, it's full full to the brim of meaning and application. As we continue through chapter five I'm, I'm telling you what, it just continues to encourage me and also continues to challenge me and what we're gonna start talking about today. As a husband and as a father I think this is one of the most challenging few verses that you can find in all of the New Testament.
Paul:Right. Anytime somebody says, I'm gonna preach a lesson on marriage, you can figure they're gonna get to Ephesians chapter five pretty quick.
Noah:Yeah.
Paul:And so there's a context. And so some of the things, Noah, that we've already unpacked from chapter five of this calling and conduct, we're dealing with our conduct now and he's told us to walk in love. He's told us to walk as children of light. He's told us to walk circumspectly carefully. Not like the fools, but as the wise. And he's told us things like, you know, be filled with the spirit.
Noah:Right?
Paul:We talked about that last week in the podcast and some things that come, came before and after that. And then he is gonna tell us something about submission, verse 21. And I think, I think we dealt with that as it connects to being filled with the spirit,
right?
Paul:Submitting one to another in the fear of God, in the fear of Christ. He's not gonna leave that concept of submission.
Noah:Right,
Paul:and he's gonna say that very clearly to wives, but he's gonna say some other things to husbands. So this husband and wife, this marriage kind of relationship is a way that the Apostle Paul, for those that know chapter five, where we're gonna get to, he's, he's setting them up, he's setting us up to appreciate verse 32 of Ephesians five. I speak concerning Christ in the church. But he does a masterful job or the Holy Spirit through. Paul tells us some really important things about the husband and wife relationship and marriage.
Noah:Yes. This is, this is proof that you don't have to be married to be able to teach on marriage, by the way. Yes. Firsthand experience, obviously can be a helpful thing and gives you insight personal insight into a situation. But the Apostle Paul. We, we know because he makes a point of it that mm-hmm. He was not married. And yet, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and through wisdom and study and fear of the Lord he was able to speak very, very clearly and very concisely about it. You know, you mentioned how the idea of submission in verse 21 was gonna be carried forward into this section on wives and husbands. I also think that in connection to that, it's important that we specifically call out. What gets kind of what's connected to that that whether explicitly said or not gets dragged into that as well as the out of reverence for Christ.
Mm-hmm.
Noah:Now there are similar phrases as we go through verses 22 and following as to the Lord or as Christ did such and such that kind of imply that yes, this is all out of reverence for Christ, but yeah. As we go through the husband wife relationship, and then as you get into chapter six and you look at the parent child relationship and the master slave relationship, the constant undercurrent that we see is this is all in the context of our relationship with Christ, our relationship with Christ influences. How we interact in these relationships. It fundamentally changes how we interact in these relationships. And so that idea in verse 21, out of reverence for Christ, that's gonna be really key to how we understand verses 22 and following.
Paul:God has always conditioned us, Noah, that when he speaks about relationship, he speaks about it in a positive way. And says, because this relationship is where it ought to be connected to, who it is connected to, there is respect, there is love, there is reverence in that relationship. So you're talking about a covenant relationship we have with God in Christ Jesus. That is to be the thing that influences us. In the area of yield or submit. Interestingly enough, Noah, I, I did this, I, I, I put it to the test in some mar I'm not a marriage counselor. I'm a, I'm a preacher, but I do do marriage counseling. I put it to the test a, a while back, and I, I intentionally in the first couple of sessions. Did not use the word submit. Mm. And it wasn't because I'm ashamed of it and I wasn't trying to rewrite the scripture.
Yeah.
Paul:I used the term yield.
Mm.
Paul:Yield. Yield. And after I'd done that in two sessions to get the woman's attention, then we inserted submit or submission and every text in every place where I use the word yield mm-hmm. She got it. She got it. I, I, I think when we, when we use submit, because of the problems in our culture, the problems in our society, the abuses clearly abuses. People push back and push against, especially women in the marriage relationship. And they justify the pushing back of submission.
Noah:Yeah.
Paul:And we can't do that.
Noah:Right.
Paul:Paul says, in Christ, you don't do that. Right. But women look at this and say, yeah, if I was married to Christ, I wouldn't be tempted to. But so it's, it's wonderful here that we're, we're gonna get to talk about the marriage relationship.
Noah:Yeah. You know, what you're talking about. There actually makes me think of something I saw recently. Where there was a, it was this video that was caught of a, a wedding ceremony. This is, this is real. This is not from a show. My understanding, this is not from a show, a movie or anything, just handheld at a wedding. They're going through the vows and, you know, the, the offic is having the woman and the husband repeat after him these sections of the vows and they get to. The section where the bride is, is doing it and the officiant says for richer or for poorer. And she says, for richer and stops. And he, and then there's kind of this pause and the officiant, she said, I didn't, I didn't marry a man who doesn't have a job. That's, that's a little shocking. But then a few phrases later. To, there was the phrase, let's see, I don't know what the traditional phrase is now. I'm trying to remember, but to, to obey, I believe is the, the phrase She wouldn't repeat it.
Mm.
Noah:And I think going along with what you're saying is we're, we're at a point where culturally because of Yes, very real problems. There's been a push against this idea. And the, the Christian response is not to, to yield to that. Yield. The Christian response is to to demonstrate. What it actually means here in scripture.
Paul:Right, right.
Noah:Sorry, so that was a little bit of a tangent, but I, I think that that's a real life example of what happens when we lose sight of what's gonna be talked about here in verses 22 and following. Right.
Paul:So remember he has said, be filled with the spirit. We had that conversation, but that's an important text. Ephesians five 18 to be filled with the spirit. You're being influenced and controlled by the spirit.
Noah:Yeah,
Paul:you, you just like the person who's under the influence of alcohol. The alcohol is what is controlling them. Somebody is being influenced by the spirit. There is no pushback here to what the spirit has revealed. And the issue is Noah, too many marriages are outta control because the spirit is not in control, or Christ is not in control. And you know, I'm, at this point, I'm not trying to have a discussion about. The indwelling spirit or how the spirit operates. I, I want people to appreciate in the context of what the spirit has revealed, the revealer of truth, the spirit of truth, and marriages will always be out of control if Christ is not in control. Yeah. And so he gives a divine directive here in the context of Ephesians five, and he says to the wives, submit and respect. And he says to the husbands lead and love. And neither of those are conditioned upon whether or not you like what your husband says. You agree with your husband's judgment. It's not conditioned upon how he is acting or how he is treating you. And husbands, you're to lead and love and it's not conditioned upon whether your wife loves you or submits to your rule, and it's not conditioned upon how she is acting or treating you right. Right. And I think that is what clearly has to be stated up front.
Noah:Yeah.
Paul:Who, who is in control of you? Who is leading you self or the Holy Spirit.
Noah:Yeah. Well, with that in mind, since this is, these verses are fairly compact, I think let's go ahead and read verses 22 through 24. That's the section that's directly addressed to the wives. We can discuss that a little bit. And then we'll move on to the slightly longer section that's addressed to the husbands. Yeah. So I'm reading from the ESV there in chapter five verse 22. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord for the husband as the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself, its Savior now as the church submits to Christ. So also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. It's short, it's, it's fairly concise and there's a little bit of redundancy in it as well. Mm-hmm. I mean, Paul Reemphasizes what he's saying here, but what he is essentially stating is that the husband holds an analogous position to Christ, and I use the word analogous because it is not an equivalent position to Christ. Mm-hmm. He is not saying the husband is Christ. To his wife.
Paul:Right?
Noah:That's not what he's saying. He's saying he holds an analogous position that Christ holds In regards to the church, Christ is the savior of the church and the husband is head of his wife. I, I have heard a number of different interpretations of this passage, a number of different approaches, but I think we get ourselves in a bind if we try to understand this as. The, the husband supplants Christ as the head of the wife and takes the place of Christ, is Christ to the wife. I don't, I don't know that I've ever talked to anyone that would state it that strongly, but in function I have heard that argument and I think that that leads us down a very dangerous path of misunderstanding what it means to have a spirit-led marriage.
Paul:Yeah, I, I, I agree. Just look at that word, submit. The, the, the admonition that's being pressed here is that she is under his rule.
Mm-hmm.
Paul:He, he is the head. Yeah, he is the head. Now, we'll get to the husband and all of this, but clearly to the wife, you're yielding to him because you were under his rule for relationship to function as God intended relationships to function. Not everybody can sit in the seat as a leader.
Mm-hmm.
Paul:Somebody has to be in a position of ruler. He has given that to the man. He has not given that to the woman. Mm-hmm. And so he'll bring up, you know, there, there's passages where we can talk about like, you know, Christ yielded himself, the son yielded himself to the father. Yeah.
Noah:Clearly
Paul:one Corinthians 11. Was Christ inferior because he yielded himself to the father? Absolutely not. In fact, I would argue that that demonstrated his gentleness and his strength and his humility right to, to do that. So wives are to submit to line up under, and we've talked about this. You just read it. Two things as to the Lord. I think one of the things that he's talking about there is the manner in which a woman. Is responding to what the Lord says here reflects her attitude toward the Lord,
Noah:right.
Paul:You know, as to the Lord. I mean, how do you view the Lord in your life? Is, are you being led by the Spirit? Is Jesus Lord of your life? Yeah.
Noah:Then
Paul:clearly there's the directive here and again in everything and no, I don't know about you. I, I get why we need to say that the, in everything. You ought to obey God rather than man. Right? If your husband is trying to lead you and rule over you in such a way that that is anti, clearly the way Jesus is ruling in your life. You obey God rather than man, but Paul didn't feel the need to bring that up here.
Noah:Right? That's not the
Paul:point. Right.
Noah:The
Paul:point is in everything. Well, I don't agree with him here. Doesn't matter.
Noah:Yeah.
Paul:That sounds hard. He's like, well, I'd expect a man to be that hard. Well wait till we get to the husband.
Noah:Right? Yeah. I, I think that that is so important, and that's part of why I, that's part of why I made the point earlier about that this being an analog, an analogy, an analogous relationship, not an equivalent relationship. The wife, her first her first allegiance must be to Christ. If, if she's gonna fulfill this role in a spirit-filled way, like you were just talking about her, her allegiance is to Christ first. Mm-hmm. And yeah, Paul didn't have to address that here because that's, that wasn't the central issue. I, I, I recognize, I know that I can't fully comprehend it, but I recognize the, the burden that this kind of instruction sometimes can feel like. That this can feel challenging. It can feel difficult. And I know that sometimes we husbands don't make it easy and that's on us.
Paul:Correct.
Noah:But I have, I've also heard it stated, and this, I know from personal experience that the section that's coming up for husbands, it's, it's one of the most demanding things that any man can be, can be asked of.
Paul:Yes. Yes. Look he he'll, first of all, he's gonna say more to the husband than he does the wife. Mm-hmm. I'll just leave it at that second of all there, there's a passage I wanna bring up that'll come up in a minute. In one Peter chapter three that references Sarah in her relationship with Abraham or Abraham. But what is in first Peter three about the first six verses, mainly 3, 4, 5, and six as it relates to women. Is God has given us his wisdom in His word, and he's asking us to trust him, whether male or female. So now we're talking about the women. Women. God is asking you to trust him, and he speaks about Sarah and he says, holy women who trusted in God, yeah, who trusted in God. So the key to a man's heart, the key to a man's heart. Ladies is here in Ephesians five. Submit and respect. Submit and respect and, and in Titus two, in verse five just kind of jumping outta the context in Titus two, in verse five, when, when Paul was writing to Titus and making a point about now to the older women being those who had admonished and teach the younger women. In Titus two in verse five, one of the things that older women are to admonish the younger women to do is to be subject to their own husbands.
Noah:Yeah.
Paul:If that is not modeled and taught, we should not be surprised when we end up with a generation of ladies who push against this and want to have nothing to do with this. Yeah. And here's his point, Titus two in verse five, that the word of God may not be dishonored or blasphemed.
Noah:Yeah.
Paul:We don't want to raise a generation that speaks negatively of God and his order for the home.
Noah:Yeah. Which in and of itself points forward to that verse 32 that you've already referenced that one of the important things about marriage and the home, but particularly marriage, is that it is a. It is a, an illustration of Christ and the church. And so when we, when we fail to follow the design that God has put in place for marriage, not only are we doing what's not best for our marriage and we're doing things that can, like you said in, in the, in the context of Titus there, that it can, it can bring dishonor on, on God and his word, but it also misrepresents. The design of Christ and the church and the relationship that's there and that, that should impact us. That I, that sounds like a, a no duh kind of statement, but that should have an effect on us. Mm-hmm. As members of the body of Christ that our actions can have a reflection on. Christ and his and his body. So yeah. And that is especially true I think when it comes to husbands because now we're, how husbands are told to act is not an imitation of the body, which is subject to Christ, but an imitation of Christ himself. Yeah. That is a, that's a tall order.
Paul:Yeah. He's gonna, he's gonna put a lot on the husband. And before we get to the husband. Don't miss verse 33, Noah. So in verse 33 of Ephesians five, he says, nevertheless, let each of you in particular, so love his own wife as himself. And then he says this, so we're talking about the wife. Let the wife see that she, the new King James has respects her husband. Mm-hmm.
And I
Paul:think most translations have respect reverence. People are like, oh my, well, well, I, I, look, I get Sarah. Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him the Lord. All I would say about the one Peter three, six, where she calls him, Lord, it's an indication of her respect for him. I wanna offer this to ladies from the perspective of a man, of a man here. Here's a male perspective, and ladies, I can tell you this, do the research for yourself if you, if you, if you doubt me, but I'm telling you, this is so the number one need. Of men is to be honored and respected. I used to teach that the number one need of men is the, the sexual part of the relationship. You know that, right? But it's, it's, it's a close. But the man feels honored and respected.
Noah:Yeah,
Paul:I brought up one Peter three, Noah. It's interesting. Early on in one Peter three, now he's talking about a woman who is a Christian who's married to a man who is not. He's an unbeliever and he makes the point in one Peter three verses one and two, that she perhaps can win him with over to the Lord without a word.
Noah:Yeah,
Paul:by her behavior. And two of the things that he mentions there, it connects to her behavior, is both purity or chaste and respectful. I like that translation, respectful behavior. So ladies, you can, you, can you hold the key to your husband's heart if, if he's got the spirit of God in him, or even if he's not a believer, which means he does not have the spirit of God in him, but there's sensitivity in that man. You hold the key to his heart, oftentimes without a word. Do you respect him?
Noah:Yeah.
Paul:Does he feel honored and respected by you? That was one of the things. Noah that attracted me to Amy. And look, you know, I'm gonna say, and I'm genuine about this, that, that I think she's physically beautiful. But I mean, look, that's, that's a subjective thing. Sure. But the thing that attracted me to Amy was her spirit.
Yeah. I
Paul:knew a lot of attracted women. Whether or not they'd go out with me, that's not the point. Probably most of'em would've said no, but, but I knew a lot of physically attracted women, but they, they did not appeal to me.'cause their spirit, there'd be loud, boisterous, obnoxious, arrogant and, and Amy had a different spirit. Yeah. And men get that. And I've offered to ladies before, there's a lot of different ways. This is not a marriage, you know, seminar, podcast kind of approach, but it is Christ in the church. It, it is our, our spirit of submission and and respect in the relationship. And I've offered to ladies, it's not so much what you say that frustrates your husband, it's how you say it.
Hmm.
Paul:Or when you say it,
yeah.
Paul:He needs to be feeling honored and respected.
Noah:Yeah. Those are some good observations. And and they come from, from a, a place of experience. And I, I'll be honest, you know, at, at this point in my life, when I, when I study marriage related material, especially, you know, rich passages, like in Ephesians chapter five, I find myself hanging onto every word. For, for the sake of, for the sake of my marriage for the sake of developing my relationship with McKayla. I, it's one of those things where I don't know if this feeling will ever go away, but even after we've been married eight years, even after eight years of marriage, I, I, I still frequently have the thought of. This could be better. We can do better. I want to do better. I want to, I want to be more like Christ in this. I want our relationship to be a better reflection of, of Jesus and the church. And I, I don't think that that feeling will ever go away. I, I think that that's a good desire to have, but that does leave me in the position of sometimes going. I don't know what that looks like in this situation. I don't know what the best way to handle it is. And so for those who are listening, if you find yourself in that kind of a position, I would give you the recommendation not only to study passages like this in, in great detail and spend time meditating on the words here that the, these inspired words. But go find somebody that's been married two or three or four times longer than you have, and ask them. Ask them what have you, what have, what biblical truths have you seen in your life, bear fruit in your life? What ways can, can we, what steps can we take? What, what ways can we, pursue this image of Jesus and the church in our marriage. And I think you'll find that there's a wealth of wisdom in the experience of, of people that have been married longer than you have. That's been my experience.
Paul:Yes. Very good. I we're coming up on the time here. We, we hadn't got to, to the husbands. So the good news in this is we're gonna go after the husbands probably as much. If not more than we, we did the wives. So if you're listening today and especially the women who are like, wow, this has kind of been one sided tune in next week. You're one gonna, you're gonna want to do that. We're gonna talk about the husbands next week. So Ephesians chapter five, our calling in our conduct. Remember. We're connecting this to what Paul says in verse 32. I speak concerning Christ in the church. We wanna make sure that we appreciate that this submissive spirit, this respect in the relationship, who is the head, who is ruler who is leading in my life. All of these things, the love and the faithfulness that makes the marriage work is what makes us work. And our relationship with Christ, the merging of these two together. So, Lord willing, a week from today, we're gonna go back here in Ephesians chapter five, and we're gonna see what Paul says to the husbands so that we make sure we get a very balanced and biblical approach to what God's design is for a marriage. And our relationship, one with another is we're connected to Christ. So thank you for listening today. Be the Lord, help us as we seek to serve him, and together try to stand strong.
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