8.16 - Paul's Message for Children and Parents

As Paul continues to teach how relationships are transformed in Christ, he turns his attention to children and parents.

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Paul and Noah both preach and teach with the Cedar Park church of Christ in Cedar Park, TX. You can visit our site at: https://www.cedarparkchurchofchrist.org/

Transcript

Noah: 0:30

Well, good morning and welcome back to the Stand Strong podcast. We're here in Ephesians once again. We have finally crossed the border into the final chapter. Of Ephesians. Ephesians chapter six, Paul. And that's where we're gonna be starting today. But similar to chapter five, I think we're gonna take a little bit more time as we try to work through the final section of, of Paul's letter here. Because it's just so rich, there's so much for us to, to hear and understand and apply. When it comes to our lives in Christ, our Walk with Christ, and specifically in this section with our relationships as a Christian, as someone who calls ourselves, disciples, followers,

Paul: 1:11

yes, absolutely. The submitting to one another and the fear of God are Christ. Ephesians 5 21, the walking worthy of the calling, as we noticed in Ephesians chapter four, verse one, ha has now culminated to a point in chapter six where he's gonna deal with the children. And the fathers or the parents, he's already talked about the wives. He's already talked to the husbands. He's made a point, I speak concerning Christ in the church, but he's still dealing with relationships and, and that we should appreciate that when, when the people would, would come together in the first century to the hearing of the word. The word being read and they would sit and listen. These were families just like today. Families were coming, they were bringing their children, and we must not. We need not forget, and I'm thankful we have a lot of parents here at Cedar Park that are keenly aware of this. We cannot forget that our children need to be bringing their hearts and their minds. And have them, have them open to what God is revealing to us in his word about what he expects in the home and in these various relationships.

Noah: 2:16

Yeah, that that is an excellent point. Even though as we'll see, I think in just a moment here. That Paul is not exclusively talking to young children when he addresses children here. He's, he's addressing offspring. I think this is a really good example of, of remembering that the, the reading of God's word and the teaching of God's word is intended for all ages. It, it is applicable at every stage of life. And sometimes we lose sight of that. As we get older, we, I think, underestimate. The, the younger people. I know that that has been the case for me. And and then one of my kids will do something that will remind me that, oh, they're, they're catching onto a whole lot more than I give them credit for. Yes.

Paul: 2:58

Yes they are. And then you blank Noah, and they're all out of the house. Now you got your grandkids.

Noah: 3:03

Alright if we keep going, I'm gonna need some Kleenex. So let's get into Ephesians chapter six. Ephesians chapter six. Let's just read the first four verses here. I'm gonna read from the ESV. It's just a few verses here. Paul says, children obey your parents. And the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up. And the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So as far as the context goes, like you mentioned, he's already addressed husbands and wives, and this is another pairing of relationships. This is children and parents. Mm-hmm. Specifically he addresses fathers. And I think that that does place. A certain level of responsibility on the fathers, as that's right, as the heads of their home, as the heads of their family. But there is, there is application to be made to parents in general as well. So, just to be fair with the text here. So the first thing that he says is, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. For this is right. I, I love simple statements. There's not a whole lot of commentary that that needs to go on for us to understand what he's saying here. But when we get diverse two and he says, honor your father and mother, that's where things get a little bit richer. And a little bit deeper because he's quoting from, you know, the old law.

Paul: 4:39

Mm-hmm.

Noah: 4:40

And he's saying this is still important now. And the idea of honoring parents would've been carrying a lot of history with it. More than just the word obey.

Paul: 4:53

Yeah. The, this, you know, some, some. This is just a natural response to healthy understanding in the relationships where God places the authority in the parents. The children naturally are brought into the world with an awareness and an understanding. I am in submission to mom and a dad. I've got both mom and a dad. I'm in submission to them. The authority resides in them. I, I submit to them that that's just what God says is the right thing. We're past that. Yeah, I mean, I, and look, we not to be surprised, Paul told Timothy that days would come and people would be without natural affection.

Noah: 5:35

Mm-hmm.

Paul: 5:36

And, and so this ideal is not the case. I wish it were, it is not. And so you used to be able to just push past this and everybody said, yeah, this is, this is a natural thing that's happening in all the homes today. Now. Let's go deeper into this concept of how honor connects itself to the obedience and the submission. But you know, we've gotta talk more about obedience.

Noah: 5:59

That's, that's true. I, I did, I did gloss over it a little bit there. And to be fair, this is something that's supposed to happen within the context of a relationship. Yes. Actually, I would say within the context of two relationships. I think that's part of why he says, obey your parents. There's the first relationship. In the Lord for this is right now, I'm not saying that this was only addressed to people who were baptized into Christ, and therefore children who aren't baptized into Christ shouldn't, shouldn't have to obey.

Paul: 6:31

Mm-hmm.

Noah: 6:31

But it is putting a responsibility, it, it's making an appeal, a moral appeal based on allegiance to God. It's saying obey your parents. In the Lord for this is right. There's a moral appeal. Yes. And it's based in this idea of, in the Lord, this is children and not just small children, but offspring are to, are to obey and to honor why. Because in the eyes of the Lord whom they have given their allegiance to, this is the right thing to do.

Paul: 7:03

That, that's a key point. That's absolutely key. It's in the language here in Ephesians chapter six. There's a parallel, Noah, you know this in Colossians three, so I love the Ephesians six. It is right. It is right. But in Colossians three 20 children be obedient to your parents in all things. Mm-hmm. For this is well pleasing to the Lord. Now the, the obedience is in all things. It's, it's, it's a sad commentary when you feel like you have to pause and say, yeah, but okay, we ought to obey God rather than man. And, you know, it's not, but they, they got the point. They understood the all things. Yes. And you don't just comply. When it fits, you know, what you would like to do. It's, it's an, it's an obedience in all things. That's a heart issue. There's a readiness to listen to instructions faithfully carry out what is required of you. And again, as you said, this is a sign of submission to the Lord Jesus. It's also a sign of, of a home that is functioning that way, God intended for it to function.

Noah: 8:01

Yeah.

Paul: 8:02

And we could, we, we could get into the weeds on why we've lost sight of that. In, in 2025, even, even in homes where mom and dad are quote, bringing their kids to church. Mm-hmm. I mean, they're showing up on Sunday. They're taking their kids to vacation Bible schools, they're bringing them to classes on Sundays and Wednesdays. And but that doesn't mean the home is arranged the way God intends the home to be arranged. That doesn't mean parents are being parents.

Noah: 8:28

Yeah,

Paul: 8:29

it doesn't mean children are lining up under the parents and there's that mutual submission and trust that's going on in relationship. I have to share, I thought about whether to do this. I want to share and I've got a library full of books. But here's, here, let me mention some of the books in my library. Making children mind without losing yours. Raising kids without raising your blood pressure. Oh my. And then here's another one, parenting for Dummies. Now interestingly enough, you one, one author in one of the books that I have with he, he had mentioned that he says, we're we live under a kindergar key. And, and when he, when he started talking about that in the book, I was like, okay, I gotta keep reading now. Mm-hmm. If for no other reason. Right. So what, what the design was in that chapter was. Okay. So a patriarchy is father rule. A matriarchy is mother rule. A kindergarteny is child rule. Hmm. Or children rule. And the point in the book was who's ruling? Who's controlling? Yeah. Who? He says more and more the children. Are running the home. Yeah. The children are making all the decisions. If the children don't wanna do it, they don't do it.

Noah: 9:43

Yeah. Well, and that's, that's been recognized socially. Now, I'm not a sociologist, I don't have my references in front of me for this for the articles that I've read in the past and that kind of thing. But sociologically, here in the United States, you can look back over the past. Mm, 80 years or so, essentially since the end of World War ii. Mm-hmm. And you can see a, an increase in the relevance of what young people want and what young people like. And people have all sorts of, again, sociological theories and explanations for why that was in our culture and why that's increased in our culture. But that's when, you know, music started being driven. By what do the young people want to listen to? Correct. When you know, what's being sold in stores is about what the kids, what the young people want. And that's only, in my observation, only increased. I know that was the case when I was growing up. It didn't occur to me until now as an adult. Looking back at how much of what we call popular culture was being driven by the tastes of 14 to 17 year olds.

Paul: 10:52

Mm-hmm.

Noah: 10:52

And, and now we can see that on an entirely new scale with the internet. Again, not a sociologist, I'm not gonna try to speculate as to why that is, but I think that idea of a kindergar, I believe is what you call it. Mm-hmm. Very apt observation for the culture that we live in. And very counter to what Paul is talking about here in Ephesians chapter six. Just because it's been going on for our lifetimes for the last 80 years, or even if it had been going on for the last 200 years,

Paul: 11:24

mm-hmm.

Noah: 11:26

Doesn't mean that it's aligned with what God through his spirit has revealed, is good for the family. And so that's, that's part of why this is so important, both as, as adults and parents and as children that we see the, the call here is obedience and honor. Mm, obedience and honor.

Paul: 11:47

Mm. There's an Old Testament passage that expresses, I think a good principle as it connects to what we're talking about here in Ephesians six is Leviticus 19. I would encourage people, believe it or not, you're actually hearing. This guy on a podcast say, read Leviticus, but especially read Leviticus 19. Mm-hmm. So Leviticus 19 verse three. Each of you must respect his mother and father. Now, there's a lot in that respect, but then he says this, I am the Lord. Your. Respect, which involves what we're talking about here with obedience and other honor. I'm the Lord your God.

Noah: 12:28

Mm-hmm.

Paul: 12:29

It's interesting here. I think what's being communicated throughout scripture is parents. And children. So we, we said we wanted parents to get children maybe around the dinner table or, or share this podcast with your kids because we want our kids to understand that what we are asking of them is what God is asking of them.

Noah: 12:50

Mm-hmm.

Paul: 12:50

And when that is not happening in the relationship as God intended, it's, it's sinful.

Noah: 12:56

Yeah,

Paul: 12:57

it needs to be communicated in that way. So kids, your obedience is, is it one from a heart of submission that says, I'm going to hear under my parents' authority and respond appropriately to a specific call to action or an expectation in this relationship at home? My parents have asked this of me. Alright. What's my response to that? And it's not just the right behavior, like, okay, my parents said, go clean your room. The obedience is going and cleaning your room. Right. But is, is there the respect mm-hmm. Which will kind of connect to the honor right. Conversation we're about to have. So you might go clean your room or clear the table after supper and wash the dishes, but the whole time you're doing it, there's a, an attitude of complaint. Mm-hmm. I'm doing it on the outside, but on the inside. I'm not so happy with you right now.

Noah: 13:56

Right. And what we have to see in this passage is that what God wants is the heart. That out of respect and honor obeys. Mm-hmm. And I think that that connects to his, his commentary that this is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. I, now you could say, well, generally speaking, if younger people listen to the wisdom of older people than. Yes. Then God is saying, you'll have more success. Your, your society will thrive however you wanna put it. Or you could see it simply as God saying, listen, if you do this, then I will I will step in and bless you. Either of those could be the interpretations, but I tend to think that what God is talking about here. Is that this is the way that I have designed things to be, and when you follow my design from the heart, not simply that you obey because, well, I, I guess I have to, or if you by thinking, well, if I do exactly what my parents say, then in I, I will be prosperous because they always tell me the right thing to do. Surprise they don't. Mm-hmm. Right. We're we're flawed as parents. So I don't think that that's what God is getting at when he says that it will go well with you and you'll live long in the land. I think what he's commenting on is our families need this type of heart. Our children need this type of heart. And if that gets removed and things get flipped upside down where children rule the house instead of parents ruling the house and where children where their hearts are turned away from their parents instead of being turned towards their parents. Then we will see ultimately a, just a failure of the family. And I want, I want young people to understand that's a, that is a big responsibility. But God expects you to honor your parents from the heart and to obey from the heart because it pleases him. And because it's what's good for you and for your family.

Paul: 16:05

Yeah. Th this we're gonna come into language as unto the Lord. As unto the Lord. He had, he had used that earlier when he was referencing the relationship of, wives to their husbands, vice versa. It is a as a unto the Lord kind of thing, he will definitely bring this up when he deals later on with servant to master.

Noah: 16:24

Right?

Paul: 16:25

But back to the heart issue that you're pressing. I love that, Noah. This idea of honor is to put value upon a person and esteem them highly. Mm. If children, if things in the relationship are, if parents are not nurturing that early, and I don't want you to hear me saying that, well, honor is something that is, is, is earned and deserved, and so make sure you get everything right and because you get it all right then therefore the children should show you honor. Right? But, but there is something clearly that is communicated when the child or the children come into the world. Of a hierarchy, a relationship, a God ordained, kind of how this home is to function, to where children see naturally that this is the way it ought to be, right? And it's instilling into the hearts of these children at a very young age, a mindset, a willingness to highly esteem mom and dad because of the position that's occupy.

Noah: 17:28

Yeah.

Paul: 17:28

So that when that child now leaves the home and establishes a family of their own, the honor doesn't stop.

Noah: 17:35

Exactly.

Paul: 17:35

The honor doesn't stop. And, and here's the beautiful thing, Noah, as you know, in your case. In my case because we, we had great parents, but it, who made it easier for us to want to show honor.

Noah: 17:48

Right.

Paul: 17:48

But it doesn't stop when you leave the house, the, the children, it's something they want to do.

Noah: 17:52

Mm-hmm.

Paul: 17:53

It's not something that they do out of compulsion or they dread they wanna do this. Yeah. Yeah. The relationship is what it ought to be.

Noah: 18:01

Yeah. If, if I could speak to the young people as somebody that, you know, as, as recently as. 10 years ago would've still been considered as being a part of my, my parents' household, right? I hadn't Oh, wow. Started my own, I hadn't started my own household, my own family. From a tax perspective. I was still a dependent, we'll put it that way. All the parents get that. All the kids are going, I don't care what, I don't even know what that means. But if I could give an encouragement to the young people coming from that perspective. It. Listen, your parents are gonna make decisions that you disagree with and sometimes they, they'll be wrong, and that's why you are disagreeing with them. You'll, there will be times where you'll be frustrated with them. There will be times where obedience and submission is difficult. There will be times where a thought might cross your mind. Something along the lines of, I can't wait until. I'm 18 or I'm 20, or I'm 21 or 25 or whatever it is. I can't wait until I'm out from under this roof. I'm on my own. I get to make my own decisions. Listen. I understand. Okay. I understand the kinds of things that bring those thoughts to mind. I understand that desire. There's some of that that I think is God given that the desire for to, to grow and mature into your own individual. Mm-hmm. And to, to make your faith your own and those kinds of things. But I want you to hear what Paul said just a moment ago. When you leave the home, the honor doesn't stop. Someday you'll be out there, you'll be on your own, but your parents still will deserve Your Honor. Even when they make mistakes, even when they frustrate you, they still will deserve Your Honor, that doesn't go away. It's a responsibility that you will carry with you for your entire life. Because that's how God designed it and it's good.

Paul: 19:54

Yeah. It's, it's the first what, commandment with what a promise. Yeah. I just, I'll let, let God freak for himself on that one. I love Mark Twain. You know, to your point, I love Mark Twain said a lot of humorous things. He said this, Noah, at age 14, I was appalled at my father's ignorance. But at 21, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just seven years. And I can, I can relate to that. Yeah, I can relate to that. Look, kids, I, I get it. Noah and I mentioned that we've been there. One way you show honor to your parents is by following their instructions. Mm-hmm. By listening, hearing. Following their instructions. And there's a lot of passages and proverbs we could go through, but we won't take the time to do that. But there's, there's so much here about honor and there's so much here about the relationship between the children, towards their parents. He doesn't stop There, he go. He goes to the parents or specifically the fathers.

Noah: 20:55

Yes. Yes he does. And kids, if you, if you're thinking, wow, you've been talking to all this, you know, to us this whole time, and now you're just gonna kind of shove the parents in at the end. We we're, we'll try to take a little bit of time here because this is an important point, but it is only one sentence that he addresses to the parents here. Mm-hmm. He says, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. I think there's, you know, two, two halves to that sentence and two main ideas that, that Paul is getting across First we'll start with the second one. First is, here's the goal. Yeah. The goal is to bring them up in the, in the way that the Lord would have you bring them up in his wisdom, in his teaching. Bring the, essentially the command is here, is to disciple your children. You are following Jesus. You want to grab your children by the hand and help them follow Jesus. That, that would be my, my description of that. Really, the first half of do not provoke your children to anger. This verse has been misconstrued so many, so many different ways. Listen, this is not saying that you're, if you ever make your children angry, you did it wrong.

Paul: 22:09

Ooh.

Noah: 22:11

It. It's not that because there will be, because of life circumstances, because of immaturity and young age, you'll make a good, wise decision and your kids will be upset and they'll be angry.

Paul: 22:25

Yes.

Noah: 22:27

That's not what Paul is talking about here. Instead, this is a contrast. He's saying your goal is not to provoke them. Your goal. Is to bring them up in the training admonition of the Lord. So whatever you do needs to be towards that goal. That gets at the heart of what we've all experienced as parents. The frustration, the the, the building up of the stress and the strain and the difficulty that comes with raising human beings.

Paul: 22:59

Mm-hmm.

Noah: 22:59

And we do something. And really, if we back up, the only reason we did it was because we were provoked. And so we provoked, there was no, there was nothing that was intentionally productive about what we did. It wasn't aimed at bringing this child up in the train training and admonition of the Lord. It was just provocation. And Paul's reminder is, that's not what parenting, that's not what godly parenting looks like. That's not the goal of godly parenting.

Paul: 23:31

Yeah, it's, it's interesting. I'm a word guy, but I have to be careful. I don't overdo. The word, but it's interesting this what, what has translated bring them up is really just one Greek term. One Greek word. It, it is translated back in chapter 5 29 when Paul was talking to the husbands and he, and in most translations you've got Nourish. Mm-hmm. Like the husband nourishes his wife. So the idea here, when he says fathers bring them up, here's the goal. He, he's using that word there is to be a nourishing. Mm, kind of thing going on in the relationship. You are in charge. You are the parent. Be a parent, not a pushover. And your goal in this is to nourish that child, right? We, we, we see the commercials know, or we hear the horrific stories. I've been to other countries and seeing children who are malnourished. That tugs at your heart. Yeah. And I'm not trying to be overly dramatic to make a point, but we, we need to make sure that our children are, are being brought up.

Noah: 24:43

Yeah.

Paul: 24:43

With a well-rounded diet. So this is a podcast and we're about to run outta time, my, my word to, to spank a child for everything. Not, not only as unwise, it's just outright wrong. That's, that's contrary to fee. Bring them up in the nourishment, in the, in the nurturing admission. You don't spank a child for everything but to never discipline the child. Right. You're gonna end up with a child that's not ready to face life. And so there's so much here. It's the whole curbing and correction of the behavior, it's development of the child. You need to know your kids. Mm-hmm. You need to have a prayer life. You need to be growing yourself as a person. Better. You makes a better father. Mm-hmm. Get some advice from others. And again, it's not saying, let me go read the latest book. Hey, God's pretty good at a parent being a parent. Let, let, let him help there and, and it's a wonderful thing with the fathers. Why does he address the fathers instead of fathers and mothers? He doesn't tell us.

Noah: 25:53

Yeah,

Paul: 25:54

I've got my ideas about it. Yeah. That's another podcast. But, but fathers be the father. I think there was a, was something going on in the Greco Roman world at the time. The Holy Spirit was revealing this to Paul, and Paul was writing this to churches for it to be read and circulated. There was an abuse in the Greco Roman world. There was, there was clearly fathers that were absentee, fathers that were cruel unreasonable. That's the point in Colossians. Yeah. You know, that you don't embitter your children and he's shown us the better picture and the better way, the right balance, if we want healthy, well-rounded kids, it starts with the parents in the home.

Noah: 26:32

Yeah. It starts with the parents in the home. That's a, that's an excellent summary of, of what Paul is saying here. And I know that you weren't trying to be dramatic just to make a point, but the, the idea of nourishing our children is a, it's a vivid way of, of demonstrating what's happening in, in the right home. You do not want your children to be spiritually malnourished. We've seen the pictures of what malnourished children look like. Now imagine what that looks like spiritually. Think about, you can even write this down. You can, you can start making a list. What would a child look like if they're spiritually malnourished? It's not gonna be the, the distended bellies. It's not gonna be the ribs showing what are the marks of a child that's not being spiritually nourished.

Paul: 27:23

Anger.

Noah: 27:24

Mm-hmm.

Paul: 27:25

Clearly provoking them to anger, inconsistencies o overly expecting too much or expecting too little. Boy that, that's a tough one. Well, ask the Lord for wisdom, but you, we know as parents things that we can, we can do, we don't mean to. That can provoke our children to having a spirit of hostility and anger and bitterness and resentment, and you could keep going Discouragement.

Noah: 27:49

Yeah.

Paul: 27:49

You could keep going. I mean, does, does a child think that, well, mom or dad doesn't mean, or mom doesn't for that reason, doesn't mean it until they start yelling at me,

Noah: 27:59

right?

Paul: 28:01

That's not good. Yeah, that's not good. Or don't make me tell you again. They know good and well, you're gonna say that at least three or four more times, and then they're eventually gonna get their way, right. That you're back to the kindergarten key.

Noah: 28:11

Right? Yeah. So that's, that's some food for thought as, as we wrap up this this section in verse four, if Paul's addressing the, the fathers and the parents is we need to be making sure that we are, you know. I think many of us are so conscious about what we, how we take care of our children, what goes in their bodies, what food we feed them, what medicines we give them. You know, are we giving them opportunity to grow and mature and physically, you know, get stronger? Those are all the same kinds of questions that we are if we're going to bring them up, if we're gonna nurture them in the training and the admonition of the Lord. Those are the same kinds of questions we need to be asking on a spiritual level. Yeah.

Paul: 28:55

Yeah. Well, Lord will thank you for listening today. That was Ephesians the first four verses, Lord willing. We're gonna, we're gonna start in, in verse five of chapter six. We're gonna move into the servant master relationship, some similar principles that we're gonna talk about next week in this podcast that we're going through. We're in Ephesians chapter six. For all of those who are joining us, listening today thank you for bringing your kids into this conversation. We just want to hear from the Lord what the Lord wants from us as his people. We we're looking for better homes. Why? Well, we want to honor God, but as goes the home, so goes the church. And but we'll talk about servant master relationship. Until then, next week, we pray that the Lord will continue to bless us and we seek to honor him together. We just wanna stand strong.