10.14 - Pointing to God in Parenting (with Eric Wise), Part 2

This episode is the second of a two-part discussion on principles for parenting which we can draw from the character of God. Thank you to my guest this episode, Eric Wise.

In this episode, we discuss recognizing the role of parents in the family versus that of the children, how we can train children to grow into mature thinking and personal conviction, and we conclude with a challenge for parents: God is worthy of respect... Are we?

Fill out our Listener Survey or Submit a Question.

Noah preaches and teaches with the Cedar Park church of Christ in Cedar Park, TX. You can visit our site at: https://www.cedarparkchurchofchrist.org/

Transcript

Noah 0:32

Hey, everyone. As a reminder, uh, this is the second part of a two-part episode with Eric Wise, where we're discussing principles of parenting based in the character of God. So if you haven't listened to the previous episode, I strongly recommend you do that. Um, we are dropping straight into the middle of the conversation, uh, as this episode begins. So go back, listen to last week's episode, uh, which is part one, and then come back and join us here for part two this week. I hope that you enjoy and benefit from this conversation going off of what you just said the fact that we have this role, this God-given role of authority, doesn't change the fact that when we do something wrong, apolog- uh, you know, apologizing and repenting of that is the correct response, regardless of the role that we're playing, right? Um, I think sometimes, uh... Well, I'll just put it this way. Roles in the family has to be one of the most disagreed upon topics in our, in our modern religious culture. And the very idea of authority can be, some people find offensive, and, uh, other people would go the other direction, "Well, because I have this God-given authority, of course these other obligations like apologizing and repent- repenting of sin, well, that's just not applicable here because the roles are very clear. I'm the authority figure in my child's life, and it exempts me of these things," and so on and so forth. Um, so that, that, I think that topic of role in the family, um, is one that we could talk, well, we could, we could spend multiple hours talking about. But I think there are some specific thoughts that you had to bring to the table when it comes to our roles as fathers and mothers in relation to our kids.

Eric 2:32

Yeah, and so not bringing the husband and wife aspect into it- Right but just parents a- and children. Um, the, a child's role in the family and the way they interact with their parents is a role that does, and it should, change over time.

Noah 2:52

Mm-hmm.

Eric 2:52

Um, this, the idea of, of submitting to your parents, um, obviously, you know, you're supposed to h- honor your parents at all times.

Noah 3:01

Mm-hmm.

Eric 3:01

You know, like a, as a, as an adult, I honor my father the way that I honor my grandmother. Um, but our role, uh, in the way that we interact with each other has changed in that, uh, we talked about the idea of maturing- Mm-hmm and that, that process taking place. It's if, if we over-parent our 17-year-olds, it is, it is not fair to them to let them turn 18 and then just send them, kick them out of the nest.

Noah 3:31

Right.

Eric 3:32

It, it must be a process in order for the children to be successful. Um, in, in the beginning, a child's role is, uh, is to obey. period. Yeah. Um, it, it's our job to help them to fulfill that role.

Noah 3:48

Mm-hmm.

Eric 3:48

Um, and it- we have a, I think this is one of the challenges that we face in 2026 America, um, is that we don't understand what submission looks like.

Noah 4:01

Mm.

Eric 4:01

That is a completely foreign concept to us. Um, and my evidence for that is that if you, if you go and, and read, uh, any leadership material, right? So if you, if you go read a, a leadership book, you can't read one without hearing about servant, being a servant leader.

Noah 4:22

Mm-hmm.

Eric 4:22

Servant leader. And the, the same holds true when we talk about, like, how am I supposed to serve in my organization? Uh, where, where I work, we have leaders, and then we have informal leaders. So if you're a person that holds a position of authority or rank, you're a leader, but within your work group, you are a, you're an informal leader.

Noah 4:44

Right.

Eric 4:45

And, and to an extent, I understand what we're saying when we say that, and people naturally emerge, you know, to, to help develop and lead other people. I, I get that. But the, I, I think the idea of servant leadership has done s- done so much to contaminate-

Noah 5:03

Mm

Eric 5:03

our view of what it is not to be a leader, but to be a servant.

Noah 5:08

Mm.

Eric 5:09

Um, so leaders should be servants But it's okay to say that servants should serve. That is a thing that's perfectly acceptable to say

Noah 5:21

Mm-hmm

Eric 5:21

Um, and I think we've contaminated that, that view sometimes. Um, our children are there to obey, um, not to participate in the decision-making ability. Um, you know, one of the, a litmus test, um is, you know, would, would you let your kid run your bank account? You know, this 12 or 13-year-old, you know, would you let them, would you trust them to manage your finances? And the answer is no, or it should be-

Noah 5:49

Right

Eric 5:49

uh, in many cases. Like, the, the answer to that is no. Okay. Well, then they're not qualified to make big decisions, and so you don't let them have a say in making the big decisions. Uh, and I, I, I don't understand why that oftentimes those roles are, are flipped.

Noah 6:09

Mm.

Eric 6:09

Where it seems like the parents are only there to endorse or facilitate the, the desires and the decisions that their children make.

Noah 6:20

Right.

Eric 6:21

Um, and parenting, it's- families are not a democracy.

Noah 6:25

Mm-hmm.

Eric 6:26

Um, and everybody should, should feel free to voice opinions and thoughts, and that's great. I, I would tell the boys all the time, "We're all gonna vote. Um, my vote counts for 10." And, and so, like, you know, everybody raise your hands at what you wanna do. And I'm going to solicit your feedback, and I do- Right wanna know what you have to say. Um, but at the end of the day, parents make the decisions.

Noah 6:49

Yeah.

Eric 6:49

And it's the children's job to submit to those decisions. Um, is, is one, uh, especially as, as young children, that has to be there. Um, I call them tyrannical toddlers. Um, where, where a family's life revolves around the whims of a three-year-old.

Noah 7:08

Yeah.

Eric 7:09

And that is a... It's tragic. It's tragic for the family. It's tragic for, um, for the kids.

Noah 7:15

Yeah. Well, and I, I, I can hear some pushback in, in my, in my head, conversations I've had, and even, you know, things in my own gut that wanna push back about, well, they need to be trained so that they can make their own decisions. They, they have to have... Like, yeah, you wouldn't trust your bank account to your 12 or 13-year-old, but at the same time, they need to be learning the principles of what that kind of responsibility is like. But the fact is, letting a three-year-old run a house is not training them to make responsible decisions later. It's failing to model for them what responsible decision-making looks like.

Eric 7:54

Correct.

Noah 7:55

And that's where the training really begins, especially at those young ages. Um, I'm sure as they age, you would have more experience than I do, um, having the three grown children. I'm sure as they age, what that training looks like and to what extent it allows them to participate in some f- in some form of, uh, feedback or decision-making, that may change with age. You, again, uh, you would know better, but the training is the thread, the common thread from young to old, right?

Eric 8:24

Yes. Yeah. And so, you know, when they are young, you train them to submit. Period. You have to, we have to know what submission looks like. You know, as they grow, your, your job is to train them to make good decisions, and the only way, um, well, there, there, there are two ways that parents train their kids to make good decisions. One is to model good decision-making and include them in decision-making processes. The other is to let them make bad decisions. Right. Um, but focusing on the, the first, the better, the better option, um When, when our boys were, were all still at home, the last big family vacation that we took, we took a, a month-long road trip, which is a big endeavor financially, logistically. Yeah. It's, there's a lot that goes into that. Um, and so we all sat down and said, "Look, this is what we want to do." Um, and the, all three of the kids were, had major input into the planning, the, just the logistical side of it. Listen, where are the places... Not where do you want to go is not just the question.

Noah 9:29

Right.

Eric 9:29

But where does everyone want to go? Now let's all talk about how we prioritize and, and give and take, and come to, um, some sort of decision that is the best for everyone. Um, and then logistically, what does that look like? Right. Here, help us plan this. Yeah. What is, what is a good route? And, um, what do we need to pack? What are all the things that we need to consider when traveling, you know, across, it was, like, 14 states. We went to Canada and Mexico in the same road trip. Whoo. Um, and so, you know, logistically, that's a, that's a big lift, and financially it's a big lift. And so having conversations like, "Listen, in order for this to happen, you know, the, here's our dollar amount. Now, Saturday I have an opportunity to, to work an overtime shift and put more dollars in the pot."

Noah 10:21

Mm.

Eric 10:22

Um, but that's gonna mean that, uh, in the home the kids have to pick up more, uh, you know, more of the workload.

Noah 10:31

Yeah.

Eric 10:31

Uh, and, you know, Mom has to do more work, and kids have to do more work. And I tell you what, if you're willing to go take care of oil change, I'll be willing to go take care of this task.

Noah 10:44

Mm-hmm.

Eric 10:44

Um, and so they understand, well, being an adult is a lot of work.

Noah 10:49

Yeah.

Eric 10:50

And so it's not just, things don't just happen- Yeah um, around the house. But work goes into all of it, and things, some things have to take priorities. And so, um, you know, by the end in all aspects of, of planning it, and that's just one small piece of what, you know, the rest of living life looked like. Uh, but it's a good example I think of teaching them here's all the things that need to happen, now how do we prioritize them, and how do we put enough dollars in the, in the pot in order to make this happen? And, um, who's gonna pick up workload while someone else is doing something? And showing them what a family functions like.

Noah 11:31

Yeah.

Eric 11:32

Um, and so now all that happens when they're, you know, 17, 15, and

Noah 11:37

13. Right.

Eric 11:38

Um, as opposed to- You know, nine, seven, and five.

Noah 11:43

Right.

Eric 11:43

Um, but yeah, it is a, it's a, it's a maturation process. Like we talked about, God acknowledges progress, and God expects us to grow from milk to meat. And so with our children, we allow them to grow from milk to meat. My dad told me when I was a teenager, he said, "Listen, I'm gonna let you make decisions, and as long as you make good ones, I'll keep letting you make more of them."

Noah 12:07

Mm. Yeah.

Eric 12:08

But when you start making bad decisions, I'm gonna make them for you." And so then it's incumbent on me to think like, "Man, I really like making all these decisions."

Noah 12:18

Right.

Eric 12:19

But that only happens when I make good ones.

Noah 12:22

Mm-hmm.

Eric 12:23

Um, and so that, that maturing process, you're able to do that with a 16 or 17-year-old that you can't do with an 11-year-old.

Noah 12:30

Right. Right. Which all of that maintains the roles that parent, the, that parents are supposed to fill in, in relation to their children. It's not, uh, a l- allowing for the, the tyranny of the young. Uh, it's, it's allowing them, it's giving them leeway appropriate to their age- Mm-hmm to, to learn and to practice under the instruction and the authority of us as parents.

Eric 13:02

Yeah. With a safety net.

Noah 13:04

Yeah. With a safety net. Yeah. Yeah.

Eric 13:05

Um, some, some questions that I, that I have, um, how do I tell if I'm on the right track, um, with, with our kids? A question that we should be asking ourselves, will this attitude that I am, that is developing in my children, that I am nurturing, um, will it make their lives as a wife or an employee or a disciple, as a brother in Christ, as a member of a flock, will it make that life easier or harder? And if the attitude that I'm nurturing will make it harder, then it has to stop right now.

Noah 13:45

Mm.

Eric 13:45

Um, and so, you know, as, so as a, a three-year-old, what we nurture is submission-

Noah 13:52

Mm-hmm

Eric 13:52

and actions and consequences. Um, as a young teenager, what we model is introducing the notions of grace and explaining to them that I am imperfect, you are imperfect, and we're all just trying to make the best of what we have here, um, in, in being disciples. And then as they grow, turning more and more of that decision-making over to them. Um, because if we don't, if we don't turn that decision-making over to them, and if we are making all the decisions for them, the question is, am I nurturing something that will make them a better wife or employee or disciple or brother? And the answer to that is no.

Noah 14:32

Yeah.

Eric 14:32

Um, and so raising, raising young people that can make good decisions, um, going from milk to meat, and acknowledging effort and rewarding good decisions, that actions, good actions have good consequences.

Noah 14:48

Yeah.

Eric 14:49

You know, all the curses that, that Moses talked about, they were also blessings. I'm gonna bless you in the field. Right. I'm gonna bless you in town. I'm gonna bless you in your basket. I'm gonna bless you in the kneading bowl. All of those good actions all have wonderful consequences.

Noah 15:03

Yeah.

Eric 15:03

Um, and modeling that for them. Um, the, um, I, I have selfishly asked parents, you know, if, is what you're nurturing right now, is that, um, will that make, um, the work of a shepherd one day easier or harder?

Noah 15:26

Mm. Yeah.

Eric 15:26

Like, at some point your child is going to, they are going to be expected by God to submit to the leadership of a shepherd. I'm asking you, I'm asking parents now to make that job for a shepherd later on down the road easier-

Noah 15:41

Right

Eric 15:42

not harder. Um, the, um, uh, a, a question to ask, uh, just looking at some, um, some of the notes that I had jotted down, uh, you know, roles in the family and how we, we learn what that maturation process looks like is are we parenting them or are they training us?

Noah 16:08

Mm.

Eric 16:13

Are your children different for other people than they are for you?

Noah 16:18

Mm.

Eric 16:18

Right? So like that's something that- Yeah that comes up sometimes. Um, and, and yes, the answer's always yes. Like your children- Sure are always gonna act different around you than they do other people, and it could be because they're more comfortable with you. Like there is something to that- Sure where I'm at home, and this is a place where it's safe for me to express my frustration.

Noah 16:37

Right.

Eric 16:37

Um, and or it could be they're expressing frustration at home because they don't respect you.

Noah 16:43

Yeah.

Eric 16:43

You know? And it could be because they're selfish little tyrants who are manipulating you. Like, you know? Um, a, a good litmus test for that, if you're sitting in church and your, your kid is fussing, and as soon as you stand up they stop crying. Like the, the uncontrollable, you know, swooning. You know, swooning's not the right word. The wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Noah 17:05

Right.

Eric 17:06

If that's, if that is immediately solved because you stand upright, that child has trained you.

Noah 17:13

Right.

Eric 17:14

Um, you know, standing up should not be able to console an inconsolable child.

Noah 17:19

Right.

Eric 17:20

Um, and so y- that, that is, that is a child who does not understand their role in the relationship, uh, where they have taken control-

Noah 17:30

Yeah

Eric 17:31

of that, that interaction.

Noah 17:32

Yeah.

Eric 17:33

Um, and I'm, I'm able to scream louder and, and- and stomp my feet harder- Right and then you will do what I want you to do.

Noah 17:41

Right.

Eric 17:42

So.

Noah 17:43

Yeah, which again, long-term, the effects of that, if we go back to the, the sowing and reaping, the long-term effects of that, you're gonna end up with adults who do the equivalent of screaming louder and stomping harder, and, uh, and that's not gonna be any good for them or the people around them.

Eric 18:02

Exactly.

Noah 18:03

Um, now we've kind of touched on this a little bit I think in how you've handled the, handled that discussion as far as the idea of the roles in the family and, and how children need to learn to submit, but as they grow older, they're also handed responsibility. Um, but I think something that pairs with this is, um, sometimes- Or, or maybe one way to put it was, is this: Is it possible that sometimes we carry on the, the instruction of learning submission, uh, to the point where we end up with somebody who is compliant-

Eric 18:43

Mm

Noah 18:43

um, but n- not for any good reason?

Eric 18:48

Yes.

Noah 18:49

Yeah. Does that make sense?

Eric 18:50

Yeah. Like, I'll, I'll go along with whatever you say, Dad.

Noah 18:53

Right.

Eric 18:53

Uh, because I've, you know, either because in a little while you're gonna go to work and I can do whatever I want to, or I can ride this out for another year, and then I'm gonna go to college and I can do whatever I want to, and you're not the boss of me now.

Noah 19:04

Right. Yeah. Right. Or even I, I, I, is, could there be a concern of, well, all I've really learned is whoever's the biggest or whoever's the one in charge, I just do what they say and that's it. Yeah. Right? Like, there's, there's not a r- there's not reasoning behind it. There's not the structure of God-given authority or, uh, critical thinking or even personal conviction that plays into it. It's just, well, they're in charge, so they must be right, you know?

Eric 19:39

Yes, and which is especially dangerous when they become the people in charge.

Noah 19:43

Ooh, yeah.

Eric 19:44

Right? Like, that is, that is the, the worst person that you would want to be in charge of you, is the, the person that, that has viewed life in that way. Um, and so I think that to try to avoid that, um, some of the things that we can look at is, some of the things that we've talked about is having those conversations-

Noah 20:03

Mm-hmm

Eric 20:04

um, where, "Listen, uh, these are the consequences for your actions, and I'm gonna stick to them, but here's why." Um, and that is, I think that that goes into the notion of, you know, training them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. I'm not, I am not doing this because it is what I want from you. I am doing this because it will, it will make a difference for your spiritual wellbeing down the road.

Noah 20:32

Mm.

Eric 20:32

Um, so having those conversations about why we're doing the things that we're doing. Um, and that, that ties into, you know, why do we believe the things that we believe?

Noah 20:43

Yeah.

Eric 20:44

Um, and, and all of that, so that whenever they leave home, they're leaving home with a firm foundation. Um, the, um- Make sure, um, that we're not disguising not parenting our children as encouraging them to make their own decisions. Yeah. Uh, so like, that, because it's, it's so much easier just to ignore them, right? Yeah. It's so much easier just to let them do their own thing and, and work it out. And since we're the safety net, it's easier for me to mitigate the, the fallout than it is to prevent it.

Noah 21:23

Mm. Yeah.

Eric 21:24

Um, I'm, I'm basically just a, a big insurance policy. Basically, you know. And, and I'll clean up the mess later- Right because that's easier than, than holding you accountable beforehand. Um, and so sometimes it- we do need to encourage our children to make good decisions. A fair question that we should be asking ourselves is, "Am I doing this, am I encouraging them to make their own decisions for their sake, or because it's easier for me?" Right.

Noah 21:53

Right?

Eric 21:53

Right. Um, and so we talked about, um, before motive matters. You know, and so it's, it's not just what we're doing, but why we're doing it. Because what, the why will certainly affect the outcome-

Noah 22:08

Yeah

Eric 22:08

uh, in situations like this. Um, so, you know, what is, how does God interact with us? Well, one, he sets clear expectations. We talked about that.

Noah 22:17

Yeah.

Eric 22:17

Um, you know, clear expectations. He shows us what it should look like to live out those expectations. He, he becomes a person that's worthy of respect.

Noah 22:27

Mm-hmm.

Eric 22:28

Um, and he gives us a lot of examples of what happens when people do and don't follow.

Noah 22:33

Right.

Eric 22:33

Right? Right. Uh, that's the, the Deuteronomy, you know, 28, like, "Here, this is what it looks like, guys." Um, and then he holds us accountable for them. Um, so that's how God interacts with us, and so what does that look like for our kids? Well, we set very clear expectations for them. And like you said, sometimes that's the trick.

Noah 22:51

Right.

Eric 22:51

Is, is one, setting realistic expectations, but clearly laying out, "Here's what I expect of you and why." Um, and, and when appropriate, I think it's, it is absolutely... It's not just acceptable, but it should be the case that we explain to our children why we want them to do something.

Noah 23:12

Yeah.

Eric 23:13

Um, like I want that where I work. If so- if they come in and, "Here's a new policy," the first question everybody ask is, "Why are we changing this?"

Noah 23:22

Right.

Eric 23:22

Right? Like, if that's what you want to know, and you already understand the world and how the, the organization and society functions- Right imagine being eight.

Noah 23:33

Yeah.

Eric 23:34

And, and you don't, you don't know anything about how the world works. All you know is-

Noah 23:38

Yeah

Eric 23:38

your life is turned upside down in your perception, right? This minor- Right inconvenience. Is your life being turned upside down? A, a fair question to ask is, "Why?"

Noah 23:47

Yeah.

Eric 23:48

And so one of the, uh, the rules that I laid out for myself was that I would, whenever practical, I would always explain to my children why I made a decision, because that is how we train them to make better decisions. Um, if your children are asking why, that is not a, a challenge to your authority- Right or it, it shouldn't be. Um, whenever we are asking why, um, that is an opportunity for us to, to demonstrate to them, uh, the wisdom in our decision-making. Yeah. Things like that. I'm gonna pause for

Noah 24:24

a second. One second. I made a note, so I can clip some sound. Hey, Greg. Hey. I'm closing the door, but not locking- Eric and I are finishing up recording. Oh, oh, go for it. I forgot that you had the, I forgot that you had the thing today. The meeting.

Eric 24:50

Oh, yeah.

Noah 24:52

Okay, let's see. Okay Go ahead.

Eric 24:59

Uh, let me see here And so I think that, uh, it's, it's certainly appropriate. And it doesn't, we don't need to train our children to always demand why.

Noah 25:11

Right. Right?

Eric 25:12

That's, that's what we don't want, is every time I, I lay out an instruction or I make a decision, that now we have a discussion. Like, that's, that's not feasible, and that's not submission either, right? Right, right. Because this is not a democracy. Um, but it should, our children should always feel safe and welcome to say, "I want to understand why this decision was made." I think a lot of times when parents push back against that, it's because they can't adequately explain-

Noah 25:41

Mm

Eric 25:42

the why. If you can't explain why to an 11-year-old, you probably didn't put enough thought into it.

Noah 25:48

Right.

Eric 25:49

Right?

Noah 25:49

Right.

Eric 25:50

And, and the answer may be, and it's perfectly acceptable to tell your kids, "Look, in this situation we had two options. There was A and B. I considered all the advantages of both, and here's what I looked at. I looked at A has advantages and B, and the disadvantages of both. And then I chose B because it was my favorite." "And I'm the dad, and I get 10 votes, and you get one." Right? Like, that, because I, because I am the decision-maker. God has given me the responsibility of making the decisions, and for bearing the burden of the consequences of them.

Noah 26:25

Right.

Eric 26:25

Um, and whenever... But it wasn't, it wasn't a flip it decision. I did look at adva- To, to your perspective, you think I just flipped a coin. Right. Or I just chose B because that's my favorite. And ultimately I did, but it was also an informed decision.

Noah 26:44

Right.

Eric 26:45

Um, I looked and they were both even and equal, so I chose B because that's the one that I like.

Noah 26:50

Right.

Eric 26:50

Um, so sometimes just saying, "Because I'm the dad and I said so," like, to a, to a degree, that is a safe answer. Um, but you have to be real careful with that.

Noah 27:03

Yeah, yeah. Well, and there's, there's a difference between that sometimes being the answer and always being the answer, right? Yeah. There's a difference between there being times where, "Listen, you're just gonna have to trust me. This is the decision I've made, and we're gonna go with it now."

Eric 27:20

Yeah.

Noah 27:20

There's a difference between that always being the answer or that just sometimes being the answer, and other times we take the time, w- like you said, when it, when it's possible and when it's appropriate, to help them understand the reasoning. And we, sometimes we don't like that because, yeah, uh, they might start trying to poke holes in it or they might start constantly questioning- But we also can't train them to be critical thinkers and decision-makers themselves without allowing them to see what a good, thoughtful process looks like. Exactly. If we never show them that, we shouldn't be surprised that they don't trust the decisions that we're making.

Eric 28:07

Yeah. You know, and th- there's a difference. I would, I would be happy to talk to our kids about, like, we're gonna go, we need a new car. How, what, are we gonna finance or are we gonna buy? And how long are we gonna finance? Mm-hmm. And what does that process look like? And w- and all of the decisions, what kind of car, how big, and gas mileage, and, and cost, and the value of it, and depreciation, and all of those things, those are all discussions you should be having with your kids.

Noah 28:37

Yeah.

Eric 28:37

To teach them, 'cause sooner or later, they gotta buy a car.

Noah 28:39

Right.

Eric 28:40

Um, but when you're in the checkout line at the grocery store and they say, "I want candy," and you say, "No." Like, well, "Dad, can you explain to me?" There's not a long discussion there.

Noah 28:52

Right.

Eric 28:52

Right? It's not like, "Well, I weighed the pros and cons of the sugar content." Like, no, it's because I said, "No," because you didn't need more candy.

Noah 28:59

Right.

Eric 29:00

And then that's just- And then say- that's the end of- Yeah that's the end of that discussion. Yeah. So not everything is, is this long, thoughtful process.

Noah 29:07

Yeah.

Eric 29:08

Um, but certainly, uh, some of it should be, especially as they get older.,

Noah 29:13

One thing that you've mentioned before is that God is worthy of respect. And in a, in a particularly ch- uh, challenging turn, um, for parents, this has less to do with, um, this has less to do with what we expect of our kids. It's, this is not a, uh, you know, "Hey, you should respect me as your parent." Um, this is more challenging for parents because if God is perfectly worthy of respect and we're trying to demonstrate the characteristics of God in our parenting, then that means we actually have to live a life that's worthy of respect, right?

Eric 29:52

Yeah. The, um... And I, this is one of those things that in modern America I think we get wrong. Uh, I'll start a sentence and see if you can finish it, and those who are listening. Respect is not given, it is...

Noah 30:07

Earned

Eric 30:07

earned, right? Um- That is false. Um, that is the, that is the way that we treat it.

Noah 30:16

Yeah.

Eric 30:16

But that is, in terms of respecting parents and showing honor to God, um, respect is given all the time. It must be given to God. It must be given to parents. Even whenever we, in, in times of weakness, we feel like God is not worthy- Mm-hmm or we question God's holiness, like when, when bad things happen and, and our faith stumbles, God is still worthy of respect.

Noah 30:45

Yeah.

Eric 30:45

Um, and our, and parents are still worthy of respect. Now, God has proven himself worthy of respect.

Noah 30:52

Right.

Eric 30:52

Like, perfectly.

Noah 30:53

Perfect track record.

Eric 30:54

Um, yeah. And so y- you see that in 1 Samuel 17 with David and Goliath. Um, David's telling Saul like, "Don't worry," like, "I can handle... It's just a giant." And he says, "Yeah, there was a lion. I got him. There was a bear." Right. "I got the bear. What's the big deal?" And he says, and David said, "The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."

Noah 31:17

Yeah.

Eric 31:17

God looked... I'm sorry. David looked at God and knew that God was worthy of respect. He had seen God's power in his life.

Noah 31:26

Right.

Eric 31:27

And that's what inspired him to be able to go and fight, uh, Goliath. Um, he, he proclaimed God's power because he had seen God in his life, and he describes God as the God who delivered me.

Noah 31:40

Yeah.

Eric 31:40

Um, Psalm 145 is, is, is full of it. Uh, "I will extol you, my God and king, and bless your name forever and ever. Um, on, on the glorious splendor of your majesty and on your wondrous works I will meditate," he says, "on your awesome deeds. Gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made." He talks about his mighty deeds. "The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all of his works." And he goes on and on and on. He says that God is worthy of praise. So Go- David here is laying out a case, "For I will always extol your virtue." And then he says, "This is why," and he says, one, because of God's wondrous works and mighty deeds, because of God's grace and mercy, because of God's abounding love, because God is faithful, because God provides for us, because he hears the cry and he saves. He raises up those who are bowed down. And because God is just, he destroys the wicked. And so if you want to be a parent who is worthy of praise, David gives us a blueprint here.

Noah 32:50

Mm-hmm

Eric 32:51

Be people who show our children mercy and love and faithfulness and provide for them, hear them when they cry, raise them up when they're bowed down, and show them justice. Um, when we do those things, those are things that in people it is, it is hardwired into us to respect and show honor and glory to that.

Noah 33:14

Mm-hmm.

Eric 33:14

Um, and so, um, one of the things that I think is incumbent on parents, this is a, a call to action to parents, is be the kind of person that they'll respect and do things that they will respect. Be someone that your children can look up to.

Noah 33:31

Yeah.

Eric 33:34

There's, I, I've heard it said, and I, I've seen this play out in, in the lives of people. So, you know, uh, my children love me, you know, they adored me. You're, you get the chance as a father to be your, your children's first superhero.

Noah 33:50

Yeah.

Eric 33:50

You know? Like, and that's a small window. And, and then they, uh, you know, then they get introduced to super- to an actual superhero. Mm-hmm. You know, well, Dad can't fly.

Noah 34:01

Right.

Eric 34:01

Um, and then I, then I hear things like, "And then when they became teenagers," and you can insert a number here. You know, "At this, at this age, they went off the rails, and they just completely stopped showing respect." And, um, I think that there's lots of reasons for that. One, pop culture. Mm-hmm. Um, if you watch, if you watch TV, um, the dad in modern America sitcom- Yeah,

Noah 34:27

the buffoon

Eric 34:27

it, yeah, he's a big bumbling idiot. Um, and so that's what they see. That's how America portrays fathers. Um, and that's the, that's the fatherhood that many fathers live up to, but in, in pop culture. And then they go to school, and they all interact with each other, and all the kids talk about how dumb their dad is-

Noah 34:46

Right

Eric 34:46

um, and how their parents are stupid and don't know anything. And they get in this echo chamber because they're only surrounded by other 14-year-olds- Right all day, right?

Noah 34:54

Their peer group.

Eric 34:55

Yeah. Um, and so there's, there's lots of contributing factors, and that may all be the case. But also, it's got to at least be on the table, and something that parents should be asking themselves, it has to be on the table as an option that maybe my child doesn't respect me anymore because I'm not worthy of respect.

Noah 35:16

Mm.

Eric 35:17

Like, that has to be an option because your children know you better than anybody else. Yeah. They live with you.

Noah 35:23

Yeah.

Eric 35:23

And they're, they're hypercritical. And so, you know, you get a, a 14-year-old boy and girl in a house, and they are gonna examine everything you do- Yeah just waiting for you to slip up. Mm-hmm. Right? And then they see it, and then they see you not acknowledge it, and then they see you try to hide it, and they see you then turn around, and on Sunday teach a Bible class about how God is merciful and just and, and always keeps His promises, and they know that you don't.

Noah 35:53

Mm-hmm.

Eric 35:53

And it starts adding up to them like, "You know what? Maybe Dad's just not worthy of my respect." Because I've, I have seen sometimes where the echo chamber and, and pop culture influences children to disrespect their parents, and natural hormones, and- soiling the nest before you leave. All of that plays a part, and I've seen that happen. I have also had conversations with parents who said, "You know, now Johnny, he just, he doesn't respect us anymore." And, and I thought, "Well, yeah, 'cause he, he caught on."

Noah 36:22

Yeah.

Eric 36:22

You know? Like, well, I know you, and I don't respect you. I don't know why your child would either.

Noah 36:29

Right.

Eric 36:29

Um, that's at least got to be on the table.

Noah 36:32

Yeah.

Eric 36:32

Um, and so to remove, to remove that hurdle for our kids to overcome, um, I think that, that that passage there in Psalm 145 gives us a, a beautiful picture.

Noah 36:45

Yeah.

Eric 36:45

It's just, it's perfect checklist. Wondrous works, mighty deeds, grace and mercy, abounding in love, faithfulness, provision, raising up those who are bowed down. That's the care and compassion- Yeah the gentleness side of the coin from the justice side of the coin, and also justice.

Noah 37:04

Yeah.

Eric 37:04

That God destroys the wicked. He, he upholds justice in life.

Noah 37:08

Yeah.

Eric 37:09

Um, and th- we have a blueprint for, for commanding re- the respect of our kids and being worthy of it.

Noah 37:16

Yeah. Whew. That's a lot. Uh, and it's really, really helpful. I, uh, I think any time we actually take a step back and think about the fact that we're trying to represent, we're trying to be a, a physical representation of the characteristics of God, if we actually try to wrap our minds around it, that's gonna be a pretty heavy- subject to wrap our minds around. But when you look at a Psalm like, did you say it was Psalm 140- 145

Eric 37:44

5.

Noah 37:46

Psalm 145, where it's kind of neatly packaged, it kind of hits all at once. Uh, so that's been really, really helpful. Well, I think we've come to the end of our time. Or double the end of our time. Uh, so for those who are listening, thank you for following along, uh, with us. Eric, thank you for your time I hope, if you're listening, I hope this has been encouraging and, uh, my prayer is that as you go throughout the next week, that you and your family will stand strong.