10.16 - People Want to Hear - Friendships & Influence

In this episode, we continue to consider last week's "People Want to Hear" topic: Cross-generational friendships and influence. Let's consider a couple of ways both older and younger people can work toward stronger relationships which help us grow in the image of Christ.

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Noah preaches and teaches with the Cedar Park church of Christ in Cedar Park, TX. You can visit our site at: https://www.cedarparkchurchofchrist.org/

Transcript

Noah 0:32

Good morning, and welcome back to the Stand Strong podcast. Last week we had Don Hooten join us, and we got to discuss a variety of things. But during the People Want to Hear section, where we take questions and try to answer them as best as we can in a, in a relatively short amount of time, we talked about the relationship between older Christians and younger Christians, specifically from the perspective of how can older Christians befriend and positively influence younger Christians. And I talked with Don about that because I know he's had a lot of experience with that, effort, and that's something that he and I have even gotten to do some together to try to work at that and improve ourselves in that and make a positive impact. And I hope that last week's episode was helpful in that way As I was preparing for this week's episode following up on that, I really wanted to try to keep things simple and, and boil it down to just a couple of takeaways. But I wanted to add something to this, and that is I know some of the people that listen to this podcast are not older people, and I kind of fall in the middle. I'm-- I am in a position in life now where there are definitely people younger than me that I have the opportunity to influence, and they see me as being an older person. And yet I still, have a lot of people significantly older than me that I look up to and, and want to learn from, and want to be, uh, companions with. And so being in the middle, one of the things that I wanted to make sure was brought to the table this week was some thoughts for the younger people, um, and particularly younger people who would like to develop these kinds of relationships. If you're not... If you're listening to this and you're not interested in developing those kinds of relationships, I would encourage you to reconsider that. But if you are, I wanted to make sure there was something here for you as well. So I'll start with the older people, and then we'll get to the younger people. Um, we had a really good discussion last week, and I don't wanna tread all of the same ground again. So I just wanted to offer a couple of things from personal experience, uh, as a young man that really meant a lot to me when older people did this, and I've recognized in myself as I've gotten older that these are not the easiest things to do. And so it makes me appreciate people who are good at this kind of a thing. So one thing that I would say is important for, uh, older people who wanna develop relationships with younger people, uh, and, and be able to positively influence them is they need to be able to encourage questions I think maybe it's, maybe it's part of getting older or maybe, um, it's personality, but I can see it in myself as much as I see it in anybody else, and that is as I get older, I sometimes start to lose patience with the same questions that have been tread upon over and over again. Maybe I've dealt with them already in my own faith multiple times over, and I, maybe I have this feeling of everyone should get this by now. Um, there's all sorts of different ways that that might go, and it can lead us to just resenting questions even being asked I've had the privilege of being around older people who don't resent questions, and they are happy to hear honest, sincere questions, and are even willing to say, "You know, I remember having that question," or, "I still have some questions around any particular topic." So I think we need to do a good job of encouraging questions. That's gonna be helpful for developing a positive, uh, influential relationship with younger people. And I think one thing that goes hand in hand with that is being able to assume the best intentions in those questions. One of the reasons I think questions can get under our skin is because we hear what we think is the question behind the question. Uh, a question is asked about maybe it's a little bit of a controversial topic or, or something that we think is kind of sensitive, um, or something that we think is bound up in, uh, cultural concerns, that these young people, they just wanna conform to the culture, and so they're asking these questions for, for license, for permission, uh, to conform. And the fact is that sometimes that is the case. But rarely do we know that. And I would say that even if we are correct in assuming the worst intentions in these kinds of situations, I would question what good that does. Okay, so, you know, you, you pick your topic, uh, of that some young person saying, "You know, I really just would like to know what the Bible actually says about..." and you fill in the blank. Something-- It can be something cultural. It can be something that's very, uh, talked about and very accepted, you know, like premarital sex and those kinds of things. And maybe when someone asks a question about that, we have a tendency to hear the question behind the question and say they're looking for the line. They're looking for how far they can go. They're looking for what they can get away with. And so we don't answer the question. We try to answer what we think they're asking behind it. And when we do that, when we assume the worst intentions, I'm not sure anything good comes out of that. Because even if those are their intentions, uh, us trying to bring the hammer down When they're looking for license is not gonna change the heart behind looking for license. So a couple of passages that come to mind that kind of, I think, support these general ideas. One is in Deuteronomy chapter 6. Um, we know this context, I think, fairly well, beginning in verse four, "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might." And then where he goes from there, "These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." This is talking about the parent-child relationship, um, and the idea being that, uh, the, the laws of God were something that God wanted his people to have constantly before them, and he wanted parents to be talking to their children about, teaching their children about in every part of life, in every situation, as they walk along the way, uh, when they sit, when they lie down, when they rise. I would say the principle underneath that is one that all older Christians would do well, uh, to consider in their relationship with younger Christians. There is an opportunity to, to hear their questions and to talk about the things of God, and that doesn't mean it's always gonna be comfortable or easy, uh, or convenient. But it does mean that we can just address their questions as honest questions. It reminds me, the other passage that comes to mind is in Exodus 12:26 when it's-- uh, God's telling the Israelites about the Passover. Um, he says, "In future years, when you do this and your children ask, 'What's the significance of this?' then you can tell them what the Lord has done for his people." The questions are an opportunity to instruct in the ways of God. And so encouraging those questions and assuming the best of those questions, you know, in that Exodus one, you could, you could misconstrue a child's question, "Why-- what's the meaning of this? Why do we do this?" Well, you could misconstrue that or try to read the worst into it, "I really wish we didn't have to do this. I really wish that this wasn't a thing. This is... I don't like this tradition." Or you could use it as an opportunity to talk about what the Lord has done for you. So that would be my encouragement, um, for the older people. Encourage questions and assume the best intentions behind the questions of younger people, and I think that'll go a long way in developing stronger relationships and being able to be a positive influence in their life. So for the younger people, um, here would be my one piece of advice. There's so much that we could talk about, but here's, here's my one piece of advice in this context. Seek wisdom from older people, not just information from older people Older people are a great source of information, uh, e- you know, even biblical information. You could crack open your Bible and read it, and you should. Sometimes you might go to an, to an older person and ask for information. Do you know what the Bible has to say about this topic, that topic, or anything else? And that's good. You should be doing that. But also seek wisdom Proverbs 20 verse 29 says that, "The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair." It's not talking about the color of the hair literally. It's talking about the experience that older people have. That's been one of my favorite proverbs for years because it's speaking of the fact that with age, okay, maybe the bodies aren't as strong as they once were, but their minds have been saturated with experience. And as young people, we sometimes have the tendency to think that older people are out of touch, they've lost their edge, um, they just don't get it. And I think we've all found ourselves thinking those kinds of thoughts. And culturally, maybe there is an element of that. You know, maybe they're not up to date on the most recent, uh, develop- cultural developments. So what? They are full of wisdom. You don't have to agree with everything that an older person says or thinks or does to be able to benefit from the wisdom that they have from experience. And sometimes we will use a disagreement that we have with them. It could be doctrinal, having to do with, you know, the faith, or it could just be a matter of taste, something that they do that annoys us or we feel like, um, just shows how out of touch they are. And we can use that as an excuse to just disregard whatever else they have to say We shouldn't do that. They're speaking from a place of experience. They're bringing wisdom, and we should seek that wisdom, not just information from older people. And so I, I kinda wanna combine those two things into one final observation, and that is to reiterate something that Don said last week in our conversation. Don made this great point about finding, or maybe a better way of putting it would be making opportunities to work together, older people with younger people, to work alongside one another, um, to put our hands to the same task together. See what happens. If you're an older person and you're wanting to befriend and influence a younger person, or if you're a younger person and you're wanting to, uh, to strengthen a relationship with an older person and, and learn from them, make an opportunity to put your hand to the same task and then see what happens. Older people, if that opportunity comes along or you make it, encourage questions. Have good, genuine conversation, and don't, don't shut that down for the sake of making a point. And younger people, if that opportunity comes to you, ask questions, sincere questions, and listen carefully to what they have to say I think a lot of times, um, when it comes to questions, we can find ourselves, whether we're older or younger, we can find ourselves treating questions the wrong way. Uh, sometimes a question is not something that just needs to be answered as quickly as possible. Sometimes it is. But sometimes a question is not something that just needs to be answered as quickly as possible. It's something that needs to be unfolded, um, in a way that allows for real learning and discussion to take place. And similarly, when, for younger people, when you're asking questions, don't rush for the short answer. Patiently listen to a full, a more full answer. Um, I'm trying not-- I'm, I don't want this to feel ambiguous or kind of just vague gen- you know, vague generalities. And so I, I wanna give maybe just one example, and I'll admit that I'm shooting from the hip on, on this example, but I wanna make sure that we walk away with maybe a more concrete idea. So I'll take a topic that, uh, has been discussed on this podcast a, a couple of different times. Um, and I'm not gonna try to lay the whole thing out right now, but imagine a conversation between an older person and a younger person about, uh, a Christian and their relationship with alcohol. Now, you can imagine that if a young person was asking an older person about, um, what does the Bible say about alcohol? Um, how should a Christian view alcohol? There's a lot of questions behind the question that that older person could read into that. And it could be very tempting if you're concerned that this younger person is looking for license to just go out and drink and do whatever they want in that area. There's a temptation to try to really shut that down really quickly. Um- I would suggest that's probably not the most, uh, productive approach to just, uh, really bring the hammer down and, and show them what's what. Allow f- the question to be unfolded. Allow follow-up questions. Um, and don't try to give an answer that scripture doesn't give. Instead, offer what scripture has to say and also offer wisdom from your personal life, your experience, um, whether it be personal experience with that issue of, of alcohol or experience of people that you know and what you've seen in the lives around you. Allow that to play out, that discussion to play out. And similarly, in that same discussion, young people, if you're just looking for a simple answer, um, you can communicate that, but recognize that what you might be missing out if you say, "Hey, I just want, like, the short answer, the one-minute answer, um, on this issue of Christians and alcohol," just realize that you might be missing out on a much deeper understanding of that given issue. So that's just an example, uh, but hopefully that helps you see how some of this can be put into practice. And I want you to imagine how that conversation might play out if two people are working together, putting their hand to some task together. Um, it could be as simple as, you know, washing a car in the dr- in the driveway, um, or packing up some old stuff into boxes that needs to be put in the attic, uh, or weeding a garden. Imagine putting your hand together, uh, hands to the same task together and having those kinds of conversations. And I would suggest that the end result is gonna be we would not have much problem developing these cross-generational relationships where there can be benefit to both people and there can be a blessing to both people, and there's an opportunity to have true friendship and relationship in Christ and influence for good So I appreciate you kinda sitting through some of those thoughts with me. I hope that that's been a helpful follow-up, um, to our People Want to Hear discussion from last week. This will be the last episode for this month, um, but make sure to tune back in in a couple of weeks here. The first Monday of next month we'll be back, uh, with, uh, another long form episode right around that hour mark, so I encourage you to join us at that point. Remember, if you have any questions that you want discussed in this context, uh, make sure to go to that episode description and click, click on the link for the Q&A. Uh, I would love to hear, uh, the questions that you have, and I will do my best, uh, with the help of, of the guests on this podcast to address some of those questions. And I would appreciate any feedback that you have. There's also a listener survey in the description of each episode. So please be sure if you haven't done that already, it shouldn't take more than maybe three to five minutes to fill that survey out. I would love to hear your thoughts in that regard. My prayer is that as we continue to, uh, study how we can build relationships and how we can influence one another for good in this kind of a way, that it, that it brings you strength in Christ and in, in the word of God. And my prayer as always, from now until the next time we are together in this format, that you will stand strong